A Comparison of the Wedding Ceremony Between China and Western Countries in Modern Times 1. Introduction
1.1 A General Introduction of the Chinese and Western wedding Culture’s Research
The 21st century is dominated by science and technology, which makes the whole world develop quite rapidly. With the constantly increasing economic globalization and international exchange, the cultures of different regions are gradually spread and fused, such as the wedding customs of China and Western Countries.
Holding a wedding is regarded as a very solemn ceremony either in China or in western. However, there are also a lot of differences between Chinese and Western wedding cultures.
Chinese wedding has many steps and the procedure is much more complex than Western wedding, especially in the wedding ceremony. In the Chinese traditional wedding customs, people stress more and they have many taboos, for Chinese people are more conservative and traditional, but the open-minded Western people?s wed ding is much simpler.
At the same time, their different social system and different attitudes to marriage influence their wedding customs much, too.
This thesis addresses the differences between Chinese and Western wedding cultures. It is extremely important to understand the different cultures between China and Western countries, which will help us to correctly understand the words and deeds of Westerners in the intercultural communication, fully understand each other, and respect each other's customs so as to get the best effect of communication.
1.2 The Western Theories of the Reasons of the Differences between West and East Cultures
First, at first half of 20th century, German renowned philosopher Karl Jaspers proposed a very important concept of cultural science in The Origin and Goal of History, which had offered the concept of “Axial Age”. He thought after having experienced “Axial Age”, China
the West to be very greatly different in the cultural domain.
Second, as to the Western culture theory, there is the individual principle and the collectivism theory. Such as Hofstede's cultural value dimension theory, Kluckhohn and the Strodtbeck's values orientation theory as well as the Parsons pattern variable theory.
Third is the Trans-Culture human relations theory. The communication master W Banay, W. Barnett Pearce and Vernon Crones put forward this theory. They thought that the human relations process receives restriction and the instruction; therefore, the rule has the important status in this theory.
Fourth, Trans-Culture human relations scholar Dodd gives more systematic and the convincing exploration regarding the Trans-Culture marriage as the Trans-Culture human relations' breach, and he realized that in the Trans-Culture marriage exists the cultural related phenomenon and the role it played.
1.3 The Chinese Theories of the Reasons
And as to Chinese researchers? studies, first, in the Chinese character, the animal bones and tortoise she lls has the inscription of “the culture”. The original meaning of “culture” is the pattern or the texture.
Second, in ancient times, the Song bright Neo-Confucianism emphasized the three cardinal ethical relationships of the social order and the five constant virtues and three rules understanding cultural differences must be obeyed and the four feminine virtues, which were used to ensure the patriarchal family stable, and to maintain father-right.
Third, LiYi is the first book that recorded wedding cultures in China. It said “Six etiquettes conclude requesting for marrying the bride, requesting for bride and groom?s birth dates, giving initial gifts for the bride?s family, giving formal gifts for the bride?s family, selecting the wedding date and holding wed ding ceremony.”
1.4 The Importance of Understanding Cultural Differences
Understanding cultural differences is very important. Since there is such a big difference between Eastern and Western cultures, understanding cultural differences between China and West countries will help foster cross-cultural communicative competence and then better serve the spread of English, wide communication and improve teaching services. But this is
basically an overview of teachers from the classroom, but it is far from enough. And what is more, the teaching of English in universities are placed emphasis on imparting knowledge of the language at the expense of cross-cultural communication abilities. Therefore, to explore the basis of cultural differences is good for the elimination of existing barriers in cross-cultural communication and we can take measures to reduce the inclination.
2. The Discussion about Chinese and Western Different Wedding Cultures 2.1 Custom
2.1.1 Three Papers and Six Etiquettes
According to Chinese wedding customs, the first etiquette is Three Papers and Six Etiquettes, which is as important as the engagement at Western wedding.
Three Papers consists of the paper of engagement, the list paper of the presents to the bride?s and the paper of fetching the bride. They are going to be used on the day of engagement, the bridegroom?s giving the presents of marriage to the bride?s an d going and fetching the bride.
Six Etiquettes includes asking for engagement, asking for the name and births of the newlyweds, showing some presents for engagement to the bride?s, giving the presents of marriage to the bride?s, choosing a good date for the wedding and going and fetching the b ride on the day of the wedding. All these etiquettes must be completely in proper order before the wedding, and then the formal wedding can be held.
2.1.2 Engagement
In Western countries, people always engage first and then they can hold the formal wedding. Many etiquettes and symbols need paying much attention to, especially the diamond ring at the engagement ceremony. Diamond is considered as the best symbol of love, but why? The diamond is produced by heat energy and press, which makes it the hardest material discovered by human beings so far. In ancient times, human beings couldn?t cut diamond for they didn?t have such tools and skills. So the diamond naturally became the symbol of forever love, at the same time the heat energy that gestates the diamond means the passionate love. Thus, the bridegroom must send a diamond ring to his bride to show his promise of forever
2.1.3 Other Etiquettes and Customs
Etiquettes and Customs at the Chinese Wedding
In China, the parents always prepare some dowry for their daughter. The bride?s dowry includes a scissor, a ruler, some sugar tablets, vases, a copper pot and a pair of shoes, which indicate fortune. There are also pairs of quilts, bed linen and pillows, 72 sets of clothes and so on, which means a good wish for their rich and nice life. Every item has its different meanings. At the bridegroom?s home, there are also many things to be prepared. At first they must tidy and layout the bridal chamber, and the whole chamber must be decorated with red things, such as red candles, red quilts. People paste congratulatory couplets and large red Chinese character meaning “Happiness” in English on the doorframes and walls. And then they need to prepare some food, fruit, tea, and wine on the table, which will be used at the night of the wedding. At the same time the bridegroom must prepare some money packaged in red paper bags to thank some people on the day of the wedding, such as his bride?s brother and people who helped him. People think the money in a red paper bag from the bridegroom will bring them good luck and nice life.
Etiquettes and Customs at the Western Wedding
“Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue, and a Silver Sixpence in Her Shoe”.
Each item in this poem represents a good-luck taken for the bride. If she carries all of them on her wedding day, her marriage will be happy. "Something old" symbolizes continuity with the bride's family and the past. "Something new" means optimism and hope for the bride's new life ahead. "Something borrowed" is usually an item from a happily married friend or family member, whose good fortune in marriage is supposed to carry over to the new bride. The borrowed item also reminds the bride that she can depend on her friends and family.
As for the colorful item, blue has been connected to Western weddings for centuries. In ancient Rome, brides wore blue to symbolize love, modesty, and fidelity. Christianity has long dressed the Virgin Mary in blue, so purity was associated with the color. Before the late 19th century, blue was a popular color for wedding gowns, as evidenced in proverbs like, "Marry
in blue, lover be true".
A sixpence is a coin that was minted in Britain from 1551 to 1967. It was made of silver and worth six pennies. So this wedding tradition is definitely English, and many sources say that it began in the Victorian era. It may date back to a Scottish customs of a groom putting a silver coin under his foot for good luck. For optimum fortune, the sixpence should be in the left shoe. These days, a dime or a copper penny is sometimes substituted, and many companies sell keepsake sixpences for weddings.
2.1.4 Taboos
Taboos at the Chinese Wedding
On the day of the wedding, people can?t say bad words. People say it will bring something bad if they don?t follow the customs. Everything prepared for the wedding must be in pairs, such as the candle etc.
When the bride arrives at the bridegroom?s, she can?t touch the threshold when she goes across, or she will bring bad luck.
The pregnant women and the women who lose a parent or her husband recently can?t attend the wedding, and they can not touch the bride?s new clothes and all of the items in the bridal chamber. If they did this, she had to crawl through the new couple?s unmarried brother?s legs before she can go out.
Taboos at the Western Wedding
There are also many taboos at the Western wedding, especially con cerning the bride?s wedding dress. White wedding dress must not be matched with red shoes, because red shoes means to jump into the fire pit. Red flower, red belt and other red things mustn?t be matched with white dress, too, since white symbolizes pure while red is the opposite. White wedding dress should match white, golden or silver shoes.
The bride must cover her face with a veil at the ceremony, for it is not only a decoration but also representing a dividing line, and it can?t be exposed by othe r people except the bridegroom. The bridegroom always stands on the right of his bride, in order to avoid others from grabbing his bride away.When the new couple goes back to their bridal chamber, the bridegroom must hug the bride into the house and put her on the bed, avoiding her getting into the house with her left foot first, for they think that may bring bad luck to the new family.
Ceremony Procedures at the Chinese Wedding
There is a certain order in Chinese wedding. Generally speaking, the whole process of the wedding includes a series of details. Such as worshipping the ancestors，starting the trip，setting off the firecrackers, waiting for the bridegroom, Taoxi(The bride?s friends or relatives ask the bridegroom for money), s aying farewell to parents and bride?s relatives and friends, setting out, the car for the newlyweds, throwing a fan, setting off the firecrackers, touching the orange, leading by the bride, Baitang(the formal ceremony of marriage at the wedding), the wedding banquet, sending-off the guests, disturbing the nuptial, and going back home three days later.
( 1 ) Going and Fetching the Bride
On the day of the formal wedding, the bride is dressed up by the elders at her home, waiting for the bridegroom.Before the bridegroom and his guard of honor start their trip, the bridegroom must hold the ancestor worship. After that they can start off, at the same time the firecrackers should be set off on the way to the bride?s.As they arrive at the bride?s, the bride?s friends must close the door in order to prevent the bridegroom seeing her at once. The bride can?t see his bridegroom unless he satisfies all the requests of the bride?s friends, no matter how hard their requests are. When the bridegroom meets his bride, they are to say goodbye to the bride…s people after worshipping the bride?s ancestors. They bow down before her parents, after which the newlyweds can set off after the bride?s mother drapes kerchief over for her.
On the way to the bridegroom?s, the fire crackers should be set off, too. For Chinese people like jollification and marriage is one of the most important things in one?s life, they are happy to show others their good things. At the same time some festive music will be played to celebrate the newl yweds and spread people?s happiness. All people will have a happy trip. ( 2 ) Performing the Formal Wedding Ceremony
In China, people will select a good date very carefully for a big event, especially for one?s marriage or death, for there are many taboos to avoid and they think a good date may bring good luck. Usually, they consult professional Mr Fengshui（The one who studys the geomantic omen professionally）for advice. Mr Fengshui will choose a good date for marriage and a good time for the ceremony of the wedding, and then they begin to prepare for
People paste congratulatory couplets and large red Chinese character means “Happiness” in English on the doorframes and walls. And they also lay out red blanket on the ground. When the bride arrives at the bridegroom?s, two guys will light two strings of firecrackers (already bound on long bamboo poles) to celebrate the important moment. One of the bridegroom?s elders will go to lead the bride out, and then the most important time comes. The person who is in charge of the ceremony will start to preside over the ceremony with the wedding music playing on. The bride and bridegroom will be led across the red blanket, the colorful paper strips and one kind of spray stuff will be setting off above the new couple?s heads. They walk shoulder by shoulder to the front of their parents who have already sat in a row of chairs at the end of the blanket. They bow down before their parents three times, and then they bow to each other three times, too. After that they formally become a couple.
( 3 ) Disturbing the Nuptial
After the wedding feast, most of the guests leave, and then the crazy time comes. Some of their close friends will plan to make fun of the new couple in their bridal chamber, and usually they play games. Chinese people think that the more seriously the new couple is disturbed, the happier the new couple will be in their life. Therefore their friends and family make things difficult for the bride and the bridegroom in many ways.
How seriously they will be made fun of depends on how seriously they fool other people at other?s wedding and wheth er the newlyweds are honest enough to people. The new couple can?t have a rest until all the friends stop to left, and the whole wedding ends.
( 4 ) Going back to the Bride?s Three Days Latter
On the third day after the marriage, the bride must go back to her parents with her husband with roasted meat and some other gifts. There, they worship her ancestors again, and they can even stay for a period of time before they return their own home. Although the daughter is married, she shouldn?t forget her own parents who gave her birth and brought her up. And as a new couple, the bride may not be accustomed to her new life, and then she will miss her parents. So she can go back to see her parents and thank them when they stay. Ceremony Procedures at the Western Wedding
Most Westerners are Christians, so Western wedding is always held in the church,
gather at the church to celebrate their wedding and to be the witnesses of their marriage. When the happy time comes, the bride will be led into the church by her father. The newlyweds go to the priest after her father gives her hand to her bridegroom, and then begins the ceremony.
At first, the priest will ask the new couple and all people present several questions one by one, beginning with the bridegroom, and then they give their promises of marriage to each other. After that they can exchange their rings and kiss each other. Finally, the priest will declare their marriage, which means the end of the wedding.
2.3 Styles and Dress
A Chinese wedding is a very special occasion filled with bright red color everywhere--tablecloths, favors, ribbons and more. That's because red represents happiness and prosperity, and also it is a symbol of good luck, indicates the days after marriage is booming.
Western wedding trends to be romantic.The whole wedding is full of romantic atmosphere.The bride usually wears a beautiful, long white wedding dress, because white means jubilation in the West .She traditionally wears "something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue." The bridegroom wears a formal suit or tuxedo, it is a symbol of purity..This makes the wedding more solemn.Westerner pay more attention to sensation.
2.4 Marriage Media
In Chinese wedding, matchmaker was the compere of the wedding. The regulation of listening to matchmaker?s proposals were the rule that people must abide by. They usually were women. The bride and bridegroom were directed by her to finish the ceremony.
But in Christian?s opinions, wedding ceremony is considered as an important way to get god?s save and wedding ceremony is a very important part of marriage. Priest plays an essential role in it. And marriage is not valid, unless the ceremony is hosted by priest. Here are three conditions in wedding. First, there should be some correct things that is used when go to church; second, correct means to go to church especially correct reading prayer book; third, correct motive to go to church whi ch emphasizes action by church?s order. It can be
a marriage. And marriage is tinged with mystery because of these conditions.
2.5 Place
Chinese wedding usually was held in the bridegroom's house. The bride and bridegroom worshipped the heaven and the earth and parents and each other in the hall of the house. The relatives and friends had dinner in the courtyard.
Western wedding takes place in church.As the ceremony begins, the bridegroom and his groomsmen stand with the minister, facing the audience. Music signals the entrance of the bridesmaids, followed by the beautiful bride. Nervously, the young couple repeat their vows. Traditionally, they promise to love each other "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health." But sometimes the couple has composed their own vows. They give each other a gold ring to symbolize their marriage commitment. Finally the minister announces the big moment: "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride!" 3. The Reasons of Differences
As to the reasons of these differences, there are many recognized explanations. In different cultures, different outlooks of value are reflected in advertisements and a set of contradictory values, which shared by China and western countries and reflected as collectivism and individualism. The following are several reasons which I thought causing the difference.
3.1 Social System
China's emperors treat themselves as the Son of Heaven, but “No one is born noble.” The person who subject to the emperor is based on the pressure of the state apparatus. While in Western, the emperor and his people are in accordance with the sanctity of contracts under the name of God, and the emperor in accordance with God's will to control the country.
Ancient China's political system is Centralized system that the autocratic centralization of power as the core. Despotic centralized system in China continuities 2000 years, and it had a profound impact on the China's reunification and development of multi-ethnic country, state system and political system, bureaucratic politics and administration, as well as culture and education.
the legal system, or the philosophy of people's wisdom political, all of them had given posterity the wealth of ideas that has provided valuable
3.2 Thought Pattern
Culture will affect people's views and understanding of the outside world, and different countries have different cultures, so there must be differences in thinking patterns, which is performed between the Eastern and Western cultures.
Mode of thinking of Western culture-oriented logic is analysis, while the oriental culture of thinking has shown an overall intuition, which is also the characteristic of traditional Chinese culture and thoughts. Because of the impact of traditional culture, Chinese people are often paying attention to observe with the intuition and paying attention to recognize the process of experience and feeling specially, and they often in exchanges of experience and feeling to “relieve people."
Compared with the Western mode of thinking, the Chinese people of this mode of thinking always are obvious and vague. And the passage of time will lead to a certain mindset, which can be interpreted as recognition and simplify the classification of things outside the process of perception.
3.3 Value Orientation
People's communicative competence is produced in the process of socialization, linked with the values, and each culture has its own unique value system. This system can help people to distinguish between beauty and ugliness, and this is people's philosophy of life, ethical standards and codes of conduct, but it can not be divorced from the specific cultural existence, because every criterion of a culture is different, but they are rational to existent in their own cultural system, and never judge a standard of value advanced, and another standard of value behind. In Chinese and Western cultures, for example, in Chinese culture, people respected modest manner, the pursuit of adaptable and do not like assertive or aggressive, and social trends are often blocked too prominent individuals. In Chinese culture, the collective orientation is the dominant, and the pursuit of personal development is seen as a serious individualism, which is bound to be condemned. While the Western culture is very much advocating individualism, "adaptable" is seen as a lack of entrepreneurial performance, are
3.4 Behavior Standards
When communicate, People of different cultural backgrounds often use its own code of conduct for the society to judge the reasonableness of each other's behavior, due to differences in norms of both sides, there will be mutual misunderstanding and unpleasant or even worse results. For example, in China, tapping a child's head is a friendly way, while in Western countries; this is a great lack of respect manner for children. So, in a cross-cultural communication, understanding and applying the Code of Conduct correctly can ensure the smooth progress of cross-cultural communication. We must understand each other's codes of conduct, in particular, what conduct is prohibited. The best way is to follow the principle of Romans do.
3.5 Religious Views
Chinese Religion and It’s Influence on the Wedding Customs
In China, the traditional moral and religious beliefs are always the most important cornerstone of marriage and stable family. The most popular religion in China is Buddhism whose teachings greatly influence people?s thought. This is reflected in Chinese customs, such as the wedding customs.
The Buddhism teaches the common people to enjoy a reasonable arrangement of a good secular life, and to be good people, which is the reason of they preparing something that represents fortune and happiness. For example, they prepare things for the wedding in pairs, and they decorate the whole wedding with red items that means goodness. Therefore Chinese people pay much attention to the etiquettes at the wedding, they stress much and they have many taboos.
The Buddhism also tells people to respect the heaven, the earth, the King, their parents and the persons who teach them, that?s w hy Chinese people must bow down before them at the wedding ceremony.
At the same time, religion is the barometer of the society, which is the most important spiritual resources to uphold the social justice. It teaches people how to be a good wife or husband, how they should respect their elders and grow their kids, and the way of making a harmony marriage. Thus, Chinese people always treat marriage as one of the most important
Western Religion an d It’s Influence on the Wedding Customs
Most of the Westerners are Christians, they believe in God as the only master of the universe. Christians pay serious attention to marriage. According to the Bible, the Christians have two views: firstly, marriage is sacred, because the origin of marriage is the creation of god himself; secondly, marriage should insist on the principle of monogamy, that?s why God created Eve for Adam. Because of the sanctity of marriage, people are required to take monogamy and the Christians do not advocate divorce. Christians traditionally believe that the premise of divorce is one of the couple committed the crimes of lascivious or one leave voluntarily for different believes, mentioned in the Bible.
4. The Measures of Solving Problems
4.1 The Importance of Taking Measures to Decrease the Gap between Chinese and Western Culture
Because of there are many difference, and we all know that the trend of globalization becomes shaper today, and the globalization is important to our coun try?s economy, development and people?s life level. But these differences prevent the globalization and people?s communication and mixture. So we must take measures to solve the problem.
4.2 The Measures of Solving the Problem
4.2.1 Blending of Chinese and Western Culture
Today, China is learning from the West very much, drawing on its inner soul, and it is the way we can set up our own self-confidence and sense of superiority. But only other people share our culture, which can truly make our ritual spread over the world. A society that lacks of social etiquette is often an immature society. And a country less uniform standards of decorum, then the country is often discordant. To create a harmonious society, we must start to learn the etiquette. Only a clear understanding of cultural differences and Western rites will be both reasonable and effective integration, which can establish suitable etiquette and cultural systems for contemporary Chinese society, and can achieve the ideal harmonious society.
4.2.2 C hanging Teachers’ Way of Thinking
in the classroom and teachers play a leading role. If the teachers will only focus on grammar and vocabulary teaching, the students can not learn the practical application of language, but lack of cross-cultural communication capabilities. Therefore, teachers must be taught to change their concepts, practical understanding of the dangers of cultural conflict and the importance of cross-cultural communicative competence.
4.2.3 Improving Teaching Methods
For a long time, the teaching of English in universities are placed emphasis on teaching knowledge of the language at the expense of cross-cultural communication abilities. In order to change this situation, we must improve teaching methods, both in the aspects of quantitative and qualitative to control the culture of teaching in classroom, and to make full use of modern teaching methods to mobilize the enthusiasm of students. In addition, we must make the new content and language knowledge in close contact, and communication practice must be closely integrated with the language.
4.2.4 Emphasizing on Students Non-verbal Communication Ability
Non-verbal communication is also an important means of communication, referring to a particular context of using of non-verbal behavior in the process of information exchange and understanding the knowledge. They are not really the units of language, but sometimes it was able to make people communicate better in life than the language itself. Some specific non-verbal behavior often represents a specific meaning, which must pay attention to cross-cultural communication. There are very different connotation in the context of Chinese and Western non-language and culture.
4.2.5 Guiding Students to Extensive Contact with Western Culture Materials
In college English teaching-hour is very limited, but the students have sufficient disposable after-school time, then it can not just rely on the teaching of teachers in the classroom to foster cross-cultural communicative competence. Teachers should guide students to make good use of their leisure time reading the West English literary works, newspapers, magazines and current affairs comments and other materials to learn cultural knowledge and
cross-cultural communicative competence. In addition, the schools that have foreign teachers should also make full use of them in teaching Western culture, and communication. They are living cultural materials so that students can exchange directly with the foreign teachers, listening to foreign teachers? reports and lectures.
5. Conclusion
The contemporary world is trending towards globalization, and the development of relations between the countries becomes more interlinked, we have more opportunities to communicate with Western society. Such an exchange would be with the rapid development of world economy, culture develops quickly. As marriage is an important part of social life, so we can make the wedding culture as a breakthrough point, and then analyze the different factors and reasons that prevent global tendency.
Marriage cultures in both China and western countries have gone through for a long time. As a most grand thing in people?s life, it has always attracted a high degree of attention. In the Chinese and Western wedding, it is clear that Chinese wedding and western wedding differ from each other in many aspects: custom, ceremony procedures, styles and dress, marriage media and Place.
As to the reasons of the differences between West and East cultures, there are many reasons causing the differences such as religious views, value orientation, and behavior standards and thinking patterns.
But along with development of the globalization, these differences will become the prevention factors that prevent people?s communication and mixture, and to explore the cultural differences is good for the elimination of existing barriers in cross-cultural communication, so we should adopt measures to reduce these obstacles: such as improving teaching methods, emphasizing on students non-verbal communication ability, changing teachers? way of thinking, blending of Chinese and Western Culture and so on. So understanding cultural differences between China and West will help foster cross-cultural communicative competence and then we can better use it to serve the spread of English, to wide communication and to improve teaching services.
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