英语幽默笑话带翻译文件编码（TTU-UITID-GGBKT-POIU-WUUI-0089）
英语幽默笑话带翻译
1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing
up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
医生懂得多
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他
的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经
死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."
2:You can't go without me
The bus is very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him.
"Hey,let me get on the bus."the man shouts.
"It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus."a passenger says to him.
"But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says.
没有我你们走不了
公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路. "喂,让我上车!"那位男士喊道.
"车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说. "但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!"那位男士说道.
3:Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸，”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
4:Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese"
"In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪”
“在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
5:Dear white, something you got to know .When I was born, I was black.When I grow up, I am blackWhen I'm under the sun, I'm blackWhen I'm cold, I'm blackWhen I'm afraid, I'm black.
When I'm sick, I'm black.When I die, I'm still black.you---white people,When you were born, you were pink.When you grow up, you become
white.You're red under the sun.You're blue when you're cold.You are yellow when you're afraid.You're
green when you're sick.You're gray when you die.And you, call me "color"
亲爱的白种人，有几件事你必须知道。当我出生时，我是黑色的我长大了，我是黑色的我在阳光下，我是黑色的我寒冷时，我是黑色的我害怕时，我是黑色的我生病了，我是黑色的当我死了，我仍是黑色的。你---白种人，当你出生时，你是粉红色的。你长大了，变成白色的。你在阳光下，你是红色的。你寒冷时，你是青色的。你害怕时，你是黄色的。你生病时，你是绿色的。当你死时，你是灰色的。而你，却叫我「有色人种」
6：Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。
那爸爸去哪儿了呢”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
7：How Many Rabbits?
Teacher: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave you five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have
Jonathan:
Nine, sir.
Teacher: Nine
Jonathan:
I've got one already, sir.
多少只兔子？
老师：好，乔纳森，假如我给你三只兔子，第二天我又给你五只，你一共有多少只兔子？
乔纳森：一共有九只，先生。
老师：九只？
乔纳森：先生，我本来就有一只。
8：These Are My Jeans
After going on a diet，a woman felt really good about herself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago．
“Look，look．” she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband．“I can wear my old jeans again．”
Her husband looked at her for a long time，when said，“Honey，I love you，but these are my jeans．”
那是我的裤子!
一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感觉特别好——特别是当她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔裤时。她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的裤子了。”她丈夫看了她好一会儿，然后说：“亲爱的，我爱你。但那是我的裤子。”
9：The mean man's party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧”吝啬鬼回答。
10：All I do is pay
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your position"
"I'm the people. All I do is pay."
我要做的一切就是付钱
布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子
是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”
“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”
1. What room has no walls, no doors, no windows,
and no floors?
A mushroom.(蘑菇)
2. What is smaller than an insect's mouth?
Anything it eats.
3. What large instrument do you carry in your ears?
Drums, that is eardrums.(鼓膜)
4. What's too much for one, just right for two, but nothing at all for three?
A secret.
5. What person tried to make you smile most of the time?
A photographer.
6. What animal has a head like a cat, eyes like a cat, a tail like a cat, but isn't a cat?
A kitten.(小猫)
7. What surprising things happen every 24
hours?
Day breaks, but doesn't fall; night falls, but doesn't break.
8. What can hear you without ears and can answer you without a mouth?
An echo.(回声)
9. What do you know about the kings of France?
They are all dead.
10. What question can you never answer 'yes" to"
Are you asleep?
11. Why do some old people never use glasses?
They must prefer bottles to glasses.
12. Why is the person wearing two coats while painting the house?
Because the instructions on the paint can say "Put on two coats for best results."
13. What two words have thousands of letters in them?
Post office.
14. What do workers do in a clock factory?
They make faces all day.
15. What 5-letter word has 6 left when you take 2 letters away?
Sixty.
16. When do you go as fast as a racing car?
When you are in it.
17. How many sides does a house have?
Two - inside and outside.
18. What never asks any questions but always gets answers?
A doorbell.
19. Where did Columbus stand when he discovered America?
On his feet.
20. When the boy fell into the water, what's the first thing he did?
He got wet first of all.
21. Who isn't your sister and isn't your brother, but is still a child of your mother and father?
I myself.
22. What has teeth but cannot eat?
A comb.
23. What kind of man can raise things without lifting them?
A farmer.
24. Why does time fly?
To get away from all the people who are trying to kill it.
25. Name five days of the week without saying: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,
Friday.
The day before yesterday, yesterday, today, tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow.
26. What animal eats and drinks with its tail?
All do. No animal takes off its tail when eating and drinking.
27. What has a soft bed but never sleeps, a big mouth but never speaks?
A river.
28. What kind of dog never bite?
A hot dog.
29. Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York Harbor?
Because it can't sit down.
30. What did one invisible man say to the other invisible man?
It's nice not to see you again.
31. What wears a cap but has no head?
A bottle.
32. What rises in the morning and waves all day?
A flag.
33. What is an astronomer(天文学家)
A night watchman with a college education.
34. How can you tell clocks and watches are shy?
Because they always have their hands in front of their faces.
35. What is wind?
Air in a hurry.
36. What comes after the letter "A"
All the other letters.
37. What starts with a T, ends with a T, and is full of T?
Teapot.
38. What word can you make shorter by adding to it?
Short.
39. What person does every man take his hat off to?
A barber.
40. Why does the boy carry a ladder to the school?
Because he wants to go to high school.
41. What can you swallow that can also swallow you?
Water.
42. What's the difference between a hill and
英语幽默小故事
1、New Discovery A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator. Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I shouldhave brought my wife!" 新发现 一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。 乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!” hillbilly n. 乡下人，乡巴佬. pudgy adj.矮胖的，矮而粗的 drawl vt, vi慢吞吞地说；拉长语调地说 2、Always Thirsty "I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me." "That's terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?" "No, but I am always thirsty!" 总感到口渴 一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。” “真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？”
1.猫和老鼠 ——Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top. ——" What's in your box?" asked the friend. ——"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them." ——"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend. ——"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown. 布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。“盒子里装的是什么？”朋友问道。“一只小猫，”布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。“小猫也是假想的。”布朗夫人小声说道。 2.Reached Shore Fast 快速靠岸 A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to
2013新外研版七年级下英语全册课文 Module 1 Lost and found Unit2 Are they yours? The Lost and Found Office in New York City Welcome to the New York City Lost and Found Office. People often lose things when they’re travelling or when they’re in a hurry. They leave things o n planes, on trains, on buses and in taxis. That’s why there are lost and found offices at airports and stations. 欢迎来到纽约市失物招领处人们在旅行时或者是匆忙之间经常会丢弃东西。他们把东西落在飞机上、火车上、汽车上或出租车上。那就是为什么机场和车站会设有失物招领处。 The New York City Lost and Found Office is very big. Hundreds of people come here every day. They are looking for their phones, cameras, watches, computers and many other things. We usually have about two thousand mobile phones and one thousand cameras. 纽约市失物招领处非常大。每天会有上百人来到这里他们来找他们的电话机、照相机、手表、计算机和许多其他东西。我们通常大约有两千部手机和一千部照相机。 At the moment, there are also some strange things at the New York City Lost and Found Office. There are about a hundred bikes and a large boat. There are also a lot of animals. This week, there are three dogs, two ducks and a pig! Whose are they? Are they yours? We don’t know! Are you looking for fifteen kilos of sausages? They’re here too! 此时此刻，在纽约市失物招领处还有一些不同寻常的东西。那里大约有三百辆自行车和一艘大船，还有许多动物，本周有三只狗，两只鸭子和一头猪！它们是谁的？它们是你的吗？我们不知道，你正在寻找十五公斤重的香肠吗？它们在这里！ Module 2 What can you do? Unit2 I can run really fast. It’s the start of the new term and we’re choosing our new monitors. 现在是新学期的开始，我们正在选新一届的班委。 I’d like to be the class monitor. I get on well with everyone, classmates and teachers. I work very hard, and I do well at school .I’m kind and I’m always ready t o help others. I can even help teachers too. Choose me as your class monitor and I promise to help YOU! 我想当班长。我和每个人，无论同学还是老师都相处得很融洽。我学习刻苦，成绩优秀。我很善良，总乐于助人，针织还能帮老师的忙。选我做你们的班长吧，我保证会帮助你们的！ I want to be the PE monitor .I enjoy sport, and I can run really fast. I’m really fit and healthy. Just watch me in the playground between lessons! I play most ball games well. But I’m really good at football, and I play basketball in the school team. I usually get the best score in every match. Choose me for the PE monitor and you can get the best score too! 我想当体育委员。我喜欢运动，跑的很快，非常强健。就看看课件我在操场上的样子吧！大部分的球类运动我都很擅长，但是我最擅长的是足球，而且我还是学校篮球队的队员。通常，我在每场比赛都得最高分。选我做体育委员吧，你们也能取得最好的成绩. I’d like to be the cleaning monitor. I often help my mother do cleaning at home and I like a clean and tid y house. I’m sure everybody would like a clean classroom, just like home. Choose me and we can make our classroom beautiful. 我希望成为卫生委员。我在家经常帮妈妈打扫房间，我喜欢又干净又整洁的房子，我相信每个人都想要一个干干净净的教室，就像家一样。选我吧，我们可以把教室装扮的更漂亮。Module 3 Making plans Unit 2 We are going to cheer the players
英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译) 线话英语|2016-03-14 17:03:05 英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译)如下： Midway Tactics Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue. The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!" The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE". 中间战术 三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。 右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!” 左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!” 中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。 Very Pleased to Meet You During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers. One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I’m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months. Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England. Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys." "Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
英语幽默笑话带翻译 1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!" 医生懂得多 一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:" 我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动 着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多." 2:You can't go without me The bus is very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him. "Hey,let me get on the bus."the man shouts. "It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus."a passenger says to him. "But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says. 没有我你们走不了 公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路. "喂,让我上车!"那位男士喊道. "车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说. "但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!"那位男士说道. 3:Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年 龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了
外研版初一英语（下）词组 Module One 1. take photos 拍照 2. wait for 等候 3. have a good time过得愉快,玩得很开心 4. a lot 非常 5. put on 穿上 6. at home 在家 7.at the moment 现在,此时 8. look at 看… 9. see you later 再见 10. good night 晚安 11. get dressed 穿衣 12. in the sun在阳光下 13. on a trip在旅行中 14. afternoon tea下午茶 Module Two 1. get ready for 为…准备好 2. write down 写下 3. cook the meal 做饭 4. make lanterns 做灯笼 5. sweep away 扫去 6. have a haircut 理发 7. go shopping 去买东西 8. at work 在工作 9. in front of 在。。。前面 10. a few 一些 11. all the year round 一年到头 12. a kind of 一种 13. lots of 许多 14. dragon dance舞龙 15. Spring Festival春节 16. paper cut剪纸 17. be interested in对。。。感兴趣 Module Three 1 .at the weekend 在周末 2.have a piano lesson 上钢琴课
3.buy some clothes 买衣服 4.listen to the music 听音乐 5.stay in bed 呆在床上 6.revise for my test 复习考试 7.get up early 早起床 8.check the email 查邮件 9.do one’s homework做家庭作业 10.have a picnic 吃野餐 11.go to a party 去参加晚会 12. look forward to doing 期待 13. take the plane/by plane 乘飞机 14.do some sightseeing/ go sightseeing 旅游,去观光 15. walk up 沿……走, 登上 16. make friends 交朋友 17. enjoy the sun and the sea 享受阳光和大海 18. lie on the beach 躺在沙滩上 19. travel around the world 周游世界 20. get (from…)to(从……)到达…… Module Four 1. in the future 未来 2. get warm 变暖 3. heavy rain 大雨 4. send ..to…by email通过邮件发送 5. strong winds 大风 6. use …to do用……做某事 7. do heavy work 做重活 8. three days a week 一周三天 9. care for/look after/take care of 照顾 Module Five 1. answer the question 回答问题 2. What’s the population of…?。。。。的人口是多少？ 3. in the east/west/south/north of…在东/西/南/北边 4. the capital of…。的首都或省会 5. on the River Thames 在泰晤士河畔 6. be famous for 因。。。而闻名 Module Six 1. be good at…擅长 2. more than 多于
英语短篇幽默小故事 篇一：英语幽默小故事10篇. 英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译)如下： Midway Tactics Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue. The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!" The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".中间战术 三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!” 左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!” 中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。 Very Pleased to Meet You During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
关于英语小笑话简单爆笑 篇一：爆笑的经典英语小笑话 爆笑的经典英语小笑话 英语笑话（一） 老师在黑板上写了一句： Time is money.并让同学们翻译。 有名学生答道： “汤姆是玛丽。 ” 小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。 他旁边的同学于是忍不住问： 你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？ 小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！ 英语笑话（二） 某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu，外宾曰：我 TM 还是方片七呢！ 英语笑话（三） 江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马 屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪 里，哪里”。 翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追 问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere." 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻 译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see." 英语笑话（四） 话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。 A 神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A 高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：「I AM 后羿！」 B 神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM 丘比特！」 轮到 C 了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一 句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」 英语笑话（五） 某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry. 老外应道：I am sorry too. 某人听后又道：I am sorry three. 老外不解，问：What are you sorry for? 某人无奈，道：I am sorry five. 英语笑话（六）
Module 1 Lost and found Unit 1 Whose bag is this? Ms Li: Welcome back to school everyone! First of all, come and look in the lost and found box! There are a lot of things in it. Whose bag is this? Lingling: Oh sorry! It ’mines. Are my crayons there too? Ms Li: Are these crayons yours? Lingling: Yes, they are and this eraser too. Thank you. Ms Li: Whose tapes are these? Daming: They ’ re mine. Ms Li: Here’ s a purple wallet! Tony: It ’ s mine. Look! Here ’ s my name― Tony‖ ! Thank you. Ms Li: You’ rewelcome! Look at this nice watch. Is it yours too, Daming? Daming: No, it isn ’ t. I think it ’ s Betty’ s. Lingling: Yes, it ’ s hers. Ms Li: Everyone, please be careful with your things from now on. Daming: Here are some nice gloves. Whose gloves are they? Ms Li: Let me see... Oh, they ’ re mine! Thank you! Unit2 Are they yours? The Lost and Found Office in New York City Welcome to the New York City Lost and Found Office. People often lose things when they ’ re travelling or when they ’ re in a hurry. They leave things on planes, on trains, on buses and in taxis. That ’ s why there are lost and found offices at airports and stations. The New York City Lost and Found Office is very big. Hundreds of people come here every day. They are looking for their phones, cameras, watches, computers and many other things. We usually have about two thousand mobile phones and one thousand cameras. At the moment, there are also some strange things at the New York City Lost and Found Office. There are about a hundred bikes and a large boat. There are also a lot of animals. This week, there are three dogs, two ducks and a pig! Whose are they? Are they yours? We don’ t know! Are you looking for fifteen kilos of sausages? They ’here too!
A Soldier's Brilliant Idea Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it. When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in. Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip. 英语幽默：士兵坐飞机有美女陪伴的高招 由于生意方面的事，罗宾逊先生得出趟门。因为有点紧急，他决定坐飞机。乘机旅行时，他喜欢靠窗坐，故而一登机，他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。他发现只有一个靠窗的座位还空着。在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是，这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位置。罗宾逊先生不管那些，他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。 然而，等到了那儿，他看见座位上有则启事，是用钢笔写的：“为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作。”罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。不过，他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。 又有两三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开了。当快满座时，一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵赶紧拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。士兵用这种办法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。
英语幽默小笑话六篇 frog 青蛙 Frog The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, "That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch." 老师正在给学生上生物课：“现在，我将要给你们看我袋子里的这只青蛙。”接着，他把手伸进口袋，却拿出了一份鸡肉三文治。老师满脸困惑地看了一眼，沉思了一会儿，说道：“真奇怪。我明明记得我已经把午饭吃掉了。” 人们什么时候说话最少？ Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom? 老师: 汤姆，“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么? Tom: Men. 汤姆:男人们。 Teacher: Good. And the plural of child? 老师: 答得好。那“孩子”的复数形式呢? Tom : Twins. 汤姆: 双胞胎。 谁欠谁钱 A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $250 due for a consultation. 律师的狗，没有拴而到处闲逛，它来到一家肉店，偷走了一块烤肉。店主来到律师的办公室，问道“如果一条没栓的狗从我的商店里偷了块肉，我有权利从狗的主人那里要回损失吗？律师答道：“完全可以”，“那你欠我8.50美元，你的狗没栓而且今天从我的店里头了块肉”，律师什么都没说，马上给他写了一张支票。一些天后，店主打开邮箱，发现一封来自律师的信，信上写道：咨询费250美元。I Have His Ear in My Pocket I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
英语幽默小故事10篇
英语幽默小故事10篇 Midway Tactics Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue. The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!" The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!" The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE". 中间战术 三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。 右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减 价!”“特便宜!” 左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。 Very Pleased to Meet You During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers. One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months. Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England. Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys." "Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said. "Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister." "I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"
爆笑的经典英语小笑话 英语笑话（一） 老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。” 小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？ 小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！ 英语笑话（二） 某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu，外宾曰：我TM还是方片七呢！ 英语笑话（三） 江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。 翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere." 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see." 英语笑话（四） 话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A 神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道：「I AM 后羿！」 B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM丘比特！」
最新外研版七年级英语下册教案全册 Module 1 Lost and found Unit 1 Whose bag is this? 一、教学目标 : 1. 语言知识目标： 1)能正确使用下列单词和短语：crayon, eraser, glove, wallet, watch, whose, first of all, lose and found box, mine, hers, be careful with, from now on... 2) 掌握first of all及be careful with的用法。 2. 情感态度价值观目标： 学习英语文明礼貌的询问和回答方式，拾金不昧的做人原则和助人为乐的优良品质。 二、教学重难点: 1、能够听懂有关失物招领的简短对话。 2、能够正确使用特殊疑问句“Whose…is this/that? 对物品的所属进行提问及其回答。 三、教学过程 Step 1 Warming-up 1. Show some pictures of school things. Say what they are. 2. Look at the pictures on Page 2. Match the words from the box with the pictures. 3. Read the words after the teacher. Step 2 Listening practice 1. Ask the students to read through the questions in Activity 2. 1) Is the football Tony’s? 2) Are the crayons Betty’s? 3) Whose gloves are these? 2. Ask the students to listen to the recording carefully. Step 3 Listen and read. 1. Ask the students to read the conversation. 2. Act it out. 3. Learn “Everyday English” Welcome back! be careful with… from now on. Step 4 Work in pairs. 1. Show some pictures of school things. Say what they are. 2. Ask the students to talk about the pictures. 3. Ask and answer like this: — Are the c rayons Betty’s? —No, they’re not hers. They’re Lingling’s. Step 5 Work in pairs. Work in groups of three or four. Put four or five school things on the desk. Ask and answer. 1. The students choose the school things. Ask and answer like this: A: Is this your pen? B:Yes, it’s mine. A: Whose pencil is it? C:It’s … 2. Read through the example with the class. 3. Pair them to ask and answer. Step 6 Language points 1.First of all, come and look in the lost and found box! First of all 是在介绍准备讲的几件事情的第一件事情。用于强调次序。 e.g. First of all, let me introduce myself to you. 首先，让我作个自我介绍。 First of all, clean the surface that you are going to paint. 首先，把要刷涂料的表面弄干净。 2.Everyone, please be careful with your things from now on. be careful with后接名词或动名词, 表示做某事时很小心或仔细。 e.g. He’s careful with his work. 他工作很仔细。 Be careful with the vase, it is valuable. 这花瓶很贵, 小心点。 Step 7 Homework 1. Remember all the new words and expressions we’ve learned today;