我和盖尔计划举行一个不事张扬的婚礼。
During our two years together we had experienced the usual ups and downs of a couple learning to know, understand, and respect each other.
在两年的相处中，我们的关系经历了起伏，这是一对情侣在学着相互了解、理解和尊重时常常出现的。
But through it all we had honestly confronted the weaknesses and strengths of each other's characters .
但在这整整两年间，我们坦诚地面对彼此性格中的弱点和优点。
Our racial and cultural differences enhanced our relationshi and taught us a great deal about tolerance, compromise , and being open with each other.
我们之间的种族及文化差异不但增强了我们的关系，还教会了我们要彼此宽容、谅解和开诚布公。
Gail sometimes wondered why I and other blacks were so involved with the racial issue, and I was surprised that she seemed to forget the subtler forms of racial hatred in American society.
盖尔有时不明白为何我和其他黑人如此关注种族问题，而我感到吃惊的是，她好像忘记了美国社会中种族仇恨种种微妙的表现形式
Gail and I had no illusions about what the future held for us as a married , mixed couple in America.
对于成为居住在美国、异族通婚的夫妻，我和盖尔对未来没有不切实际的幻想。
The continual source of our strength was our mutual trust and respect.
相互信任和尊重才是我们俩永不枯竭的力量源泉。
We wanted to avoid the mistake made by many couples of marrying for the wrong reasons, and only finding out ten, twenty, or thirty years later that they were incompatible , that they hardly took the time to know each other, that they overlooked serious personality conflicts in the expectation that marriage was an automatic way to make everything work out right.
许多夫妻因为错误的理由结了婚，结果在 年、 年或 年后才发觉他们原来是合不来的。他们在婚前几乎没有花时间去互相了解，他们忽视了严重的性格差异，指望婚姻会自然而然地解决各种问题。我们希望避免重蹈覆辙。
That point was emphasized by the fact that Gail's parents, after thirty-five years of marriage, were going through a bitter and painful divorce , which had destroyed Gail and for a time had a negative effect on our budding relationship.
事实更说明了这一点：已经结婚 年的盖尔的父母正经历着一场充满怨恨、令人痛苦的婚变，这件事给盖尔带来了很大打击，并一度给我们正处于萌芽状态的关系造成了负面影响。
When Gail spread the news of our wedding plans to her family she met with some resistance .
当盖尔把我们计划举办婚礼的消息告诉家人时，她遇到了一些阻力。
Her mother, Deborah, all along had been supportive of our relationship, and
even joked about when we were going to get married so she could have grandchildren .
她的母亲德博拉过去一直赞成我们的关系，甚至还开过玩笑，问我们打算何时结婚，这样她就可以抱外孙了。
Instead of congratulations upon hearing our news, Deborah counseled Gail to be really sure she was doing the right thing.
但这次听到我们要结婚的消息时，她没有向我们表示祝贺，反而劝盖尔想清楚自己的决定是否正确。
"So it was all right for me to date him, but it's wrong for me to marry him.
“这么说我跟他约会没错，但是如果我跟他结婚，就错了。
Is his color the problem, Mom?" Gail subsequently told me she had asked her mother.
妈妈，是不是因为他的肤色？”盖尔后来告诉我她曾这样问她母亲。
"To start with I must admit that at first I harbored reservations about a mixed marriage, prejudices you might even call them.
“首先我必须承认，刚开始时我对异族通婚是有保留意见的，也许你甚至可以把这称为偏见。
But when I met Mark I found him a charming and intelligent young guy.
但是当我见到马克时，我发现他是一个既讨人喜欢又聪明的年轻人。
Any mother would be proud to have him for a son-in-law .
任何一个母亲都会因为有这样一个女婿而感到脸上有光的。
So, color has nothing to do with it.
所以，这事跟肤色没有关系。
Yes, my friends talk.
是的，我的朋友们会说闲话。
Some even express shock at what you are doing.
有些朋友甚至对你所做的事表示震惊
But they live in a different world.
但他们的生活与我们的不同。
So you see, Mark's color is not the problem.
因此你要明白，马克的肤色不是问题。
My biggest worry is that you may be marrying Mark for the same wrong reasons that I married your father.
我最大的担心是你也许跟我当初嫁给你爸爸一样，为了错误的原因而嫁给马克。
When we met I saw him as my beloved, intelligent, charming, and caring .
当年我和你爸爸相遇时，在我眼中，他可爱、 聪明、富有魅力又善解人意
It was all so new, all so exciting, and we both thought, on the surface at least, that ours was an ideal marriage with every indication that it would last forever.
一切都是那么新鲜、那么令人兴奋。而且我们两人都认为，我们的婚姻是理想婚姻，至少表面上看是如此，而且一切迹象都表明我们的婚姻会天长地久。
I realized only later that I didn't know my beloved, your father, very well when we married."
直到后来我才明白，在我们结婚时，我并不十分理解我所爱的人——你的爸爸。”
"But Mark and I have been together more than two years," Gail railed.
“但是我和马克呆在一起已有两年多了，”盖尔抱怨道。
" We've been
through so much together.
“我们俩一起经历了许许多多的事情。
We've seen each other at our worst many times.
我们彼此多次看到对方最糟糕的一面。
I'm sure that time will only confirm what we feel deeply about each other."
我可以肯定时间只能证明我们是彼此深情相爱的。”
"You may be right. But I still think that waiting won't hurt. You're only twenty-five."
“你也许是对的。但我还是认为再等一等没坏处。你才 岁。”
Gail's father, David, whom I had not yet met personally, approached our decision with a father-knows-best attitude.
盖尔的父亲戴维——我还未见过他的面——以知事莫若父的态度对待我们的决定。
He basically asked the same questions as Gail's mother: "Why the haste? Who is this Mark? What's his citizenshi status?"
他问的问题基本上和盖尔母亲的问题相同：“干吗这么匆忙？这个马克是什么人？他是什么公民身份？”
And when he learned of my problems with the citizenshi department, he immediately suspected that I was marrying his daughter in order to remain in the United States.
当他得知我办公民身份遇到了问题时，就怀疑我是因为想留在美国而娶他女儿的。
"But Dad, that's harsh ," Gail said.
“不过爸爸，你这话讲得太难听了，”盖尔说。
"Then why the rush?" he asked repeatedly.
“那么干吗要这样着急？”他重复地问。
"Mark has had problems with citizenshi before and has always taken care of them himself," Gail defended.
“马克是有公民身份方面的问题，但他总是在自己处理这些问题，”盖尔辩解道。
"In fact, he made it very clear when we were discussing marriage that if I had any doubts about anything, I should not hesitate to cancel our plans."
“事实上，当我们在讨论结婚的时候，他清楚地表明了一点：如果我对任何事情有怀疑，我完全可以取消我们的计划。”
Her father proceeded to quote statistics showing that mixed couples had higher divorce rates than couples of the same race and gave examples of mixed couples he had counseled who were having marital difficulties.
她父亲开始引用统计数据说明异族通婚的离婚率比同族结婚的要高，而且还列举了接受过他咨询的、在婚姻上有麻烦的异族通婚夫妇的例子。
"Have you thought about the hardships your children could go through?" he asked.
他问道：“你考虑过你将来的孩子可能会遭受的苦难吗？”
"Dad, are you a racist ?"
“爸爸，你是种族主义者吗？”
"No, of course not.
“不，当然不是。
But you have to be realistic ."
但你必须得现实一点。”
"Maybe our children will have some problems, but whose children don't?
“也许我们的孩子会遇到一些问题。但谁的孩子不会呢
？
But one thing they'll always have: our love and devotion ."
可是有一样东西他们将会永远拥有，那就是我们的爱。”
"That's idealistic .
“那是理想主义的想法。
People can be very cruel toward children from mixed marriages."
人们对异族通婚生下的孩子是会很残酷的。”
"Dad, we'll worry about that when the time comes.
“爸爸，到时候我们自己会操心的。
If we had to resolve all doubt before we acted, very little would ever get done."
但是假如我们在做什么事之前，就必须把所有的疑难问题全部解决的话，那么我们几乎什么都干不成了。”
"Remember, it's never too late to change your mind."
“记住，你什么时候改变主意都不晚。”