吊顶
格兰塔出版社出版
奇玛曼达?恩戈奇?阿迪契第一眼看到她发来的邮件时，奥宾泽正坐在兰德·路华里，塞在拉各斯1的路上。他的夹克搭在车的前座，一个小乞丐顶着一头铁锈色的乱发整个人死死地黏在车窗外。而另一个车窗，小贩把五颜六色的光盘摆在了窗户上兜售着。车上的收音机调低了音量，正放着尼日利亚电台的混杂英语新闻，英语和当地方言混在了一起。大雨来临前的阴暗忧郁四处蔓延。他盯着自己的黑莓手机，突然全身僵硬。一开始他扫了一眼整封邮件，令人沮丧的是内容并没有比他想象中的长一点——?顶顶，你好吗2？昨天我在纽约遇到了阿马卡，她说你不仅工作顺利，婚姻美满还有宝宝了！当爸爸真令人骄傲啊，恭喜你了。我仍然在教书，同时做点研究，但是正在认真考虑马上搬回尼日利亚。保持联系好吗？伊菲美露。?
他又把邮件慢慢的看了一遍，有一种想要抚平什么东西的冲动，比如他的裤子，他那剃得光亮的头。她叫他顶顶。最后一次收到她的邮件是四年前，就在他的婚礼前不久。在那封邮件里她喊他奥宾泽，用漫不经心轻松愉快的语气祝福他过得幸福，还提到了那个和她同居的美籍黑人。这是一封措辞优雅亲切的邮件，但是却让他非常讨厌。
1尼日利亚首都(本文所有注释皆为译者注)
2
他厌恶到甚至去谷歌上搜索了那个黑人，得知他是耶鲁的讲师。更令奥宾泽大为恼火的是和她同居的只是一个喜欢在博客上把自己的朋友叫做猫咪的男人。然而，真正击倒他的却是那个男人的照片，那个黑人穿着破破烂烂的牛仔裤，戴着黑框眼镜，浑身散发出知性的冷漠气息。奥宾泽于是冷冷地回复道：?承您贵言，我从未如此幸福。?她一定看得出这是一派胡言，是傻瓜般的惺惺作态。没有人像她一样了解他。他希望她能写点什么来回讽他一下——虽然这样的行为一点也不像她的风格，她甚至不曾表现出一点点尖酸刻薄。但是她没有回复，什么也没有。他从摩洛哥度蜜月回来后又发了一封邮件给她，表明想和她保持联系，不时聊个天什么的，但是她还是没有回复。
车流在移动着。外面下着毛毛雨。那个小乞丐跟着车一路跑，脸上小鹿般天真无邪的神情显得更加做作了。而他的举止也变得癫狂——他把指尖缩在一起，一次又一次地把手送到嘴边。奥宾泽摇下车窗，伸出去一张一百奈拉的钞票。他的司机，加布里埃尔，从后视镜看着他的举动，神情严肃，一脸反对。
?上帝保佑您，老板！?小乞丐喊道。
?用不着给那些乞丐钱，先生，?加布里埃尔说，?他们有钱着呢！在拉各斯，乞讨就能赚大钱。我听说有一个乞丐在伊克贾建了一栋六层公寓呢！?
?那你干吗不去当乞丐而要当司机呢，加布里埃尔？?奥宾泽问，接着自己大笑起来，开怀得有点刻意。他想告诉加布里埃尔他大学的女朋友刚刚发了邮件给他。事实上，大学，中学，他都只有这个女朋
友。记得第一次她允许他脱掉她的胸罩，仰面躺着温柔地呻吟，她的手放在他的头上。事后她说：?我的眼睛睁着但却看不到吊顶。这在以前才没有发生过。?那时她十七岁，他十八岁。其他的女生都会假装自己守身如玉，从未被其他男生碰过，但她不会，她从来不会假装。她身上有着一种近乎鲜活的坦率，这种坦率让他不安却充满诱惑力。有次听讲座时，她在他的笔记本的背面写下这些话：?思念我的吊顶，迫不及待想要月事结束了。?自此以后，她开始用调笑而又充满暗示的口吻称呼他为顶顶。不过，他们吵架或者她情绪不定的时候，她就会叫他奥宾泽。第一学期期末考试后，大家日子都过得无比懒散。一天,他的朋友希迪问她:?你干嘛偏要叫他顶顶？?那时她已经和他的同学圈混熟了。在学校外面的酒吧里，大家在一张脏兮兮的的塑料桌子旁围坐着。她喝着她那瓶马耳缇娜3，咽了一口，瞥了他一眼，说道：?你没看到他高得都要碰到吊顶了吗？?她特意放慢的语速，唇边绽放的小小微笑，无不在昭示着她就是故意让他们知道她没有说实话。况且他也不高。看着朋友们嘻嘻哈哈的样子，她在桌子下踢了他一下，他也踢回来。那些朋友对她半是畏惧半是喜爱。那个黑人抚摸她的时候，她是不是也看到了吊顶呢？她也叫其他男人顶顶吗？如今想到她可能会这样子让他非常沮丧。他的电话响了起来，有那么一刹那他既困惑又期望地把它当成是伊菲美露从美国打来的。
?亲爱的，你在哪儿？4?他的太太柯西总是一接通他的电话就问：你在哪儿？他打电话给她的时候却从来没有问过她在哪儿，虽然3无酒精麦芽饮料
4
不管怎样她都会讲的——我刚刚到了沙龙。我在第三大陆桥。她的声音尖细而娇气。就像是他们不在一块的时候，她需要他们的位臵，这些实实在在的物质空间来使自己安心。他们本打算晚上七点半到达奇夫家参加宴会，但现在已经过了六点了。
他告诉她车正塞在路上。?不过车流在移动了，我们刚拐入奥松巴·马巴地委大道，我马上到。?
在莱基高速公路上，车辆飞速行驶着，雨势也渐渐减弱。不一会儿，加布里埃尔已经在他家那扇高大的黑色大门前响着喇叭了。默罕穆德是他家的守门人，一身脏脏的白色土耳其长袍显得他瘦长结实。他连忙赶过来开门并且举起一只手表示欢迎。奥宾泽看了看那栋黄色的装饰着柱廊的房子，里面是意大利进口的家具，他妻子，他两岁的女儿，保姆布奇，他妻子的姐姐智奥玛，她由于大学讲师们再次罢课正被迫休假，新来的女佣玛丽是从贝宁共和国雇来的，因为他太太认定尼日利亚的女佣都不合格。在那栋房子里，烹饪的香气将会飘出，楼下的电视机会放着非洲魔法频道的电影。整栋房子弥漫着宁静幸福的气息。他从车里钻出，脚步僵硬，抬个脚都很费劲。在过去几个月里，他感到他拥有的一切——家庭，房子，在伊科伊和阿布贾的其他房产，车子，在迪拜和伦敦的银行存款在不断膨胀发酵。他有一种冲动，想要用根尖锐的针把一切戳破，让一切膨胀都消瘪，让一切都自由。这冲动强烈到快要将他淹没。他不再确定，事实上他从来没有确定过，他喜欢自己的生活到底是因为他真的喜欢这种生活还是因为他应当喜欢这种生活。
?亲爱的，?柯西边说边在他走到之前开了门。她的裙子在腰部收紧，这让她的身材看起来如同沙漏一样凹凸有致。
?爸爸，爸爸！?布奇兴奋地叫着。
他一下子把她抱起来，然后搂着自己的妻子并小心翼翼地避开了她的嘴唇。她的嘴唇涂着粉红色的唇膏，还用更深的粉红色描了唇线。?你看起来很美，宝贝，?他赞美道，?惊为天人！5?
她笑了。当人们问她：?你母亲是不是白人啊？你是不是混血儿啊？?时，她也是露出这样开怀的的笑容，带着恰到好处的愉悦。因为她的皮肤非常白皙。但被错当成混血儿这件事居然能使他的妻子感到愉悦，这却常常让他很挫败。
?你想洗个澡还是只是换个衣服？我把你那件新蓝色长衫拿出来了。我知道你想穿得传统点，?她说着跟他上了楼。?走之前你想吃点什么吗？你也知道奇夫那里的食物很不错。?
?我换个衣服，然后我们就出发。?他应道。
他很累了。这不是生理上的疲倦。他经常在跑步机上运动，感觉身体比过去几年好多了。这是一种让他的思维接近麻木的厌倦感，仿佛要把他的精力一点点榨干。他每天出门，挣钱，回家，陪女儿，看电视，吃饭，看书，和妻子同床共枕。他是为了生活而生活。
奇夫的派对一如既往地让他不胜其烦。但是他还是参加，因为他参加奇夫举办的所有宴会。当然也可能是因为柯西喜欢参加。柯西很乐意被那些珠光宝气的人包围着，然后去和那些她几乎不认识的人搂
5
搂抱抱，带着夸张的敬意去称呼那些年纪稍大的人夫人女士6。她对那些恭维照单全收，同时作为回礼给别人的恭维也毫不吝啬。她似乎沉醉于自己的美貌，又不忘贬低自己的个性以此来表明她的美丽是毫无威胁的。成为一个中规中矩和蔼可亲没有半点醒目棱角的人对于他的妻子来讲非常的重要。而意识到这一点这却总是使他大受打击。周末的时候，她就会宴请他的亲朋好友来享用捣碎的甘薯和苦叶汤。然后监督着他们确保每个人都饱的恰如其分。?叔叔，你一定要多吃点啊！厨房里还有更多肉！让我给您倒多一杯黑啤吧！?当他们回埃努古的婆家时，她常常是飞奔过去帮着上菜。吃完饭，当他的妈妈正想去收拾桌子时，她会一下子跳起来，佯怒说道：?妈咪！有我在，哪儿用得着您收拾桌子？?和他的叔叔说话的时候她结尾都会加上先生的敬称。她帮着他的堂兄弟的女儿们扎头发。在她的谦和有礼中透露着自负傲慢，它们就摆在那儿。
宴会上，他看到她正在和阿肯科尔夫人打招呼，她微笑着行了屈膝礼，眼脸上金粉闪烁。他突然想起他们的宝宝，滑滑的头发卷卷的布奇出生的那一天。布奇是在伦敦的波特兰医院出生的。当他还在摆弄着橡胶手套的时候，她转头看着他，带着歉意说：?下次我们会有个男孩子的。?他畏缩了一下。当时他小小的鄙视了她，因为她竟不知道他对孩子是男是女一点也不在乎，因为她竟以为既然大多数男人都想要个男孩子他也就不例外。也许他应该多和她谈谈心，谈一下他们期盼的那个宝宝或者谈谈其他什么东西。因为尽管他们的对话很愉
6
快，他们也像好朋友一样分享着舒适的沉默，他们并没有真正地?交谈?。她的世界观是一套斟酌再三的常规选项，而他却甚至不曾考虑过其中的任何一个选项。他对生活的疑惑和她的全然不同。当然，他一开始就知道他们不一样。在一场婚礼上经朋友介绍，他们有了第一次谈话，那时候他就感觉到了他们的不同。当时她穿着一袭淡绿色的缎子伴娘裙，低胸剪裁露出的乳沟让他目不转睛。这时有人在做演讲，说新娘是一个?正经?的女人。柯西忙不迭地点点头，对他耳语：?她是真的非常正经。?即便那样，他也对她有了微微的不屑，因为她居然能不带半点讽刺地说出?正经?这个词，就像那些周末报纸的女性专栏上写的那些蹩脚的文章一样自然。然而，他还是想要她，并且一根筋地疯狂追求她。他从来没有见过一个女人的颧骨有着如此完美的弧线，这让她的整个脸部兼顾了雕塑般的优雅而又栩栩如生，她一笑更是百媚生。而他那段时间刚被自己的一夜暴富弄得晕头转向。上一周他还赖在他堂姐的公寓里，睡在铺着薄垫的地板上，下一周他就有了房子和两辆车。他觉得他在过着别人的生活。是柯西让他的生活开始有了真实感。她从拉各斯的大学宿舍搬进他的新房子，在他的梳妆台上摆放好自己的香水瓶，他渐渐把那种柑橘香味和家这个概念挂了钩。在宝马车里，她坐在他旁边，仿佛这一直是他的车。当他们一起洗澡的时候，她用粗海绵帮他擦洗，甚至还搓了脚趾头，直到他整个人焕然一新，如获新生。他们相处一年后，她说她的亲戚们都在打听他有什么打算。?他们就是问个不停，?她说，还特地重读了?他们?这个词来撇清自己，表明自己完全和这场?逼婚?行动无关。他看出
来她的手法而且感到厌恶。（在尝试受孕几个月都没有成功后，她开始愤愤不平理直气壮地抱怨：?我那些生活过的很苦的朋友们全部怀孕了呢。?当时他也是这种感觉。）然而，他还是娶了她。可能那个时候他就已经进入自动驾驶模式了。他觉得是一种义务，他没有不开心，而且他幻想着时间一久，也许她也会受到一些影响。但是过了差不多五年的时间，她也没有变过，除了外表。某种程度上，他认为她变得更漂亮了——臀部和胸部变得更加丰满圆润，简直就像一株水分充足的盆栽。
看到她正在和阿肯科尔夫人说话，他为自己的想法感到羞愧。她是一个如此忠诚的女人，心地善良，忠贞不二。他走过去执起她的手。她经常和他说她的朋友们都嫉妒她，说他的举止就像一个外国老公——他带着她出席每一个社交场合，周末给她做早餐，每晚都回家陪她。
阿肯科尔夫人正在谈论把布奇送到法语学校去这件事。?那儿非常好，非常严格。当然，他们是用法语授课，虽然她在家已经学了英语了，但是让孩子多学一门文明的语言总是有利无害的。??好的，阿姨。我会过去看看，和他们谈一下，?柯西附和道，?我明白要早点准备了。?
?法语学校是不错，不过我更倾向于梅多兰学校。他们教的是完整的英国课程。?另一个女人说。奥宾泽忘了她的名字，只听说她在阿巴卡将军统治的军政府那里赚了大钱。传闻她是一个拉皮条的，专门给那些军官提供女人以此来交换那些价格过高的供货合同。
?对了，还有梅多兰。我也会过去看看那一家。?柯西接道。
?怎么，?奥宾泽不解，?难道我们上的小学不都是教尼日利亚课程的吗？?
那个女人打量着他。
最后是阿肯科尔夫人出来打圆场：?今时不同往日了，我的好奥宾泽。?她故作遗憾地摇了摇头，当奥宾泽是个毛头小子一样。
?没错。?柯西应和。奥宾泽倒想问问他妈的她到底在说什么没错。
?如果你愿意送你的孩子去那只有半吊子的尼日利亚老师的学校上学，让孩子低人一等的话……?阿肯科尔夫人耸耸肩。她说话有一种独特的外国口音，同时混杂着英音美音还有其他的乱七八糟。好像是在昭示着这个富有的尼日利亚人希望全世界记得她有多老于世故，记得她的英国航空公司的高阶主管卡已经多到阻塞了好几里。
?我有一个朋友送她的孩子去圣玛丽学院。你绝对想不到，整个学校只有五台电脑。只有五台！?另一个女的说。
?我们会选英语学校或者法语学校的。?柯西表态道，看着他眼神满是恳求。他耸了耸肩。他本来可以像往常一样对阿肯科尔夫人什么也不说的，但是今天他却想要一拳打碎她脸上的讥讽，将其揉成一团然后猛掷回去。这时，奇夫走过来了。
?我的公主！?奇夫对柯西赞叹道，抱了一下她，用力使他们更贴近彼此。奥宾泽好奇以前奇夫是不是有向他妻子求过欢。如果有也不会让他感到惊讶。有次一个男人带着女朋友来奇夫家的时候奥宾泽刚好在场。当那个男人的女朋友去洗手间的时候，奥宾泽听到奇夫对
那个男的说：?我喜欢那个女孩子。把她给我，我会给你一块在维多利亚岛上的好地。?
?你看起来真帅，奇夫，?柯西恭维道，?青春永驻啊！?
?啊，亲爱的，我可是有在努力保持的！?奇夫开玩笑一般扯了扯黑色夹克的缎子翻领。他看起来的确气色不错，干练清瘦，腰背挺直，一点也不像他那些六十几岁的同龄人。?我的好小伙！?他朝奥宾泽招呼道。
?奇夫，晚上好。?奥宾泽和他握手时用了两只手，还微微鞠了躬。他看到聚会上的其他男的也向奇夫鞠躬。当奇夫讲笑话的时候，那些男人环绕在他的身边，互相推撞来使自己笑声盖过其他人。那些男人都带着引人注目的名牌表，喜欢高声讨论他们的家财万贯。他们就是《城市人》杂志上提到的所谓的?拉各斯土豪?。这些人让奥宾泽想起了第一天堂姐带他到奇夫家时看到的三个人。那三个人正在客厅里抿着法国白兰地，而奇夫则在夸夸其谈，说着政治。?没错！完全正确！感谢您的高见！你说的正是问题的重点啊！奇夫！?他们时不时欢呼喝彩。奥宾泽颇有兴趣地观察着他们。自从被英格兰驱逐出境后，奥宾泽回拉各斯住了仅仅一个月时间，但是他的堂姐阿马卡已经开始发牢骚，说他不能只是赖在她的公寓里看书拖地，毕竟他也不是第一个被驱逐的人，说他需要忙碌起来了。拉各斯就是个忙碌的城市。他的伙伴们都忙忙碌碌。阿马卡是奇夫的女朋友。她说：?奇夫有很多女朋友，不过他对我是认真的。他没有为其他人买过车。?所以她把他带到奇夫那里看看奇夫是否会帮一下他。他堂姐告诉他，奇
夫十分难搞，所以极为重要的是看准时机，在他极度膨胀，颇为自得，情绪高涨的时候找他。他们显然是做到了这一点。因为当三个男人离开后，奇夫面向奥宾泽问道：?你听过‘明日不可测’这首歌吗？?然后他开始像孩童一样兴致勃勃地唱起来：?明日不可测啊！明—日！明日不可测啊！?他拿着的白兰地又从杯中溅出了一大片水花。?这就是尼日利亚社会中那些雄心勃勃的人们的所扎根的原则——明日不可测。看看那些大银行家，原本腰缠万贯，但下一秒就锒铛入狱。看那个昨天还交不起房租的穷人现在有了一架私人飞机！只是因为巴班吉达给了他一口油井。?奇夫讲话时总是一副洋洋得意的语气，平凡无奇的事情总能被描绘成了不起的成就。奥宾泽之后又去拜访了奇夫好几次，一方面是因为他很喜欢奇夫的服务生提供新鲜的胡椒汤，另一方面是因为阿马卡告诉他要不停在奇夫的周围晃，直到他给你提供帮助。几次拜访后，一天奇夫和他说：?你既饥渴又诚实，这在这个国家是很少见的。难道不是吗？?
?是的。?奥宾泽说，尽管他也不确定他是在同意对他品格的评价还是对其稀有性的定论。
?每个人都很饥渴，富人也不例外。但是没有人是诚实的。两年前我一无所有，直到有人把我介绍给巴班吉达将军的哥哥。他看我饥渴且诚实，所以给了我一些合同。看看我，已经今非昔比！我有钱了。这些钱就是养活我的曾孙子都绰绰有余！但是权利呢？对，我努力在争取。巴班吉达是我的朋友，阿巴卡也是我的朋友。由于军队已经走了，奥巴桑乔是我的朋友。这个男人为这个国家创造了机会。巨大的
机会专门给像我这样的人。我知道他们将要把国家农业支持公司私有化，因为他们说它破产了。你知道这件事吗？等你知道的时候，我已经抢占先机，从套利那里大赚一笔了。这就是自由市场！?奇夫大笑。?那家公司是二十世纪六十年代创办的，名下产业遍布全国。那些房子腐朽了，屋顶还被白蚁蛀烂。但是他们要把它们卖出去。我准备买七处房地产，每处五百万。你知道他们在文件上标多少钱吗？一百万。你知道它们的实际价值有多少吗？五千万。?奇夫再次停下来大笑，灌了几口白兰地。?我会让你全权负责这件事。他们需要一个评估顾问，我会派你过去。阿马卡说你很机灵，我从你脸上也能看出来。你的第一份工作将是为我赚钱，但是你的第二份工作就是为你自己赚钱。你要确保你低估了那些地产，而且确保看起来我们是在走的是正当程序。这不难的。你购买房产，卖出房产，拿出一半的钱去付你的购买价。你就已经是在做生意了！你会在莱基建房子，买车子，让你的老家给你安几个头衔，让你的朋友在报刊上写几个祝贺辞。然后你还没反应过来的时候，任何一家银行你一走进去，他们就恨不得马上把贷款打包好交到你手上。因为他们觉得你已经不需要钱了。啊，尼日利亚！明日不可测！?一个手机突然响起来，奇夫停下来盯着它——他旁边桌子上摆着四部手机。然后不予理会，靠回到他的皮沙发上。?等你注册了自己的公司后，你就要找一个白人。在你被驱逐前有没有在英格兰认识什么朋友？找一个白人。告诉别人他是总经理。这会让你的公司在这个国家马上变得名正言顺，很多蠢货看来也是如此。我告诉你，这就是尼日利亚的规矩。?
事实上，的确如此。在尼日利亚这规矩不仅是行得通，而且对奥宾泽一直行得通。如此轻而易举就做到倒把奥宾泽弄得飘飘然了。第一次他拿着聘用书到银行的时候，他感到做梦一般。他只需要说?五十??五十五?而不用加上?百万?，因为这是显而易见的。那一天他写了一封邮件给伊菲美露，那封邮件现在还存在他旧邮箱的草稿箱里，六年了都没有发出去。她是唯一一个能够理解他的人，然而他还是担心她会瞧不起他变成这种人。他还是想不通为什么奇夫决定帮助他。毕竟，奇夫家里那些急切的拜访者都可以排成一长串了。人们带来了亲朋好友，全部人的眼神中都充满恳求。有时，他会想总有一天奇夫会让他，这个他培养的饥渴而又诚实的男孩，做点什么来回报。有时他会天马行空地想着奇夫可能会让他去安排一场暗杀行动。
派对上人满为患，喘口气都难。奇夫正对着一群男的说些什么，奥宾泽只听到了结尾：?但是你知道正如我们一直在说的，石油正通过不合法地渠道流通，在科托努一瓶瓶地卖！?他心不在焉。他的手伸进口袋摸到了他的黑莓手机。柯西正问他要不要吃多一点。他不想。他想要回家。一股突如其来的急切快要将他淹没。他想要躲进书房给伊菲美露回邮件。邮件的内容他已经不知不觉中在脑海中打好了草稿。如果她考虑回尼日利亚，这说明她已经和那个黑人分开了。不过她也有可能带着那个黑人一起回来，毕竟她是那种能让男人轻易为她离乡别井的女人。那种由于不期待确定的关系，反而使某种安定性成为可能的女人。大学的时候，当她牵着他的手，她总是握得紧紧地直到两个人的手心由于出汗变得滑溜溜的。每一次她都会说：?以防万一这
是我们最后一次牵手，让我们好好地不留遗憾地牵手。因为一辆摩托车或者小汽车现在就能撞死我们。或者我可能在街边看到我的梦中情人，然后甩了你。或者你可能见到你的梦中情人然后甩了我。?可能那个黑人会死缠着她，也跟着回尼日利亚。然而，邮件的字里行间让他觉得她是单身的。他掏出他的黑莓手机估算邮件发出的时候美国时间是什么时候。坐在回家的车上，柯西问他怎么了。他假装没有听到，让加布里埃尔关掉收音机改放费拉7的光盘。在大学的时候，他推荐伊菲美露听费拉。之前，她一直以为费拉是一个疯狂的前卫摇滚者，表演的时候只穿着一条内裤。但是后来她开始喜欢上这种非洲打击乐。他们会躺在他的床垫上，听着音乐。然后当?跑跑跑?的副歌响起的时候，她会突然一跃而起，用她的臀部做出快速的略显粗鲁的扭动。他不知道她还记不记得。柯西又问了一遍怎么了。
?没什么。?他说。
?你吃的很少。?她紧追不放。
?饭里面太多胡椒了。?
?可是亲爱的，你甚至饭都没有尝一口。难道是因为阿肯科尔夫人吗？?
他耸耸肩，告诉她他是在想着那片新公寓,他刚在帕克夫做成的那单生意。他希望雪尔公司能够租下它，因为石油公司是最好的租客，他们从来不会抱怨房租的急剧上涨，付款的时候很合作地给美元，那么就不用处理因为奈拉汇率波动太大带来的其他麻烦事。
7
?别担心，上帝会指引雪尔公司的。一切都会好的，亲爱的。?她说着拍了拍他的肩膀。
那片公寓的确已经被石油公司租了。但是他有时总是像这样说一些毫无意义的谎话，因为他内心某处希望她能够问点问题或者干脆质疑一下他。但是他知道她不会这样的。因为她所求的不过是确保他们的生活能够保持现状，至于怎么保持则完全取决于他。她也从来没有问过他在英格兰的时候怎么样。她自然知道他是被驱逐的，但是她从来不问细节。他已经不确定自己想不想她问及了，甚至他在后悔自己本来是不是不应该告诉她他在迁移中心时感觉自己没有半点存在感，因为这突然变成了她自己的明显的污点。伊菲美露就会问。只要现实还存在，忽略过去就不可能让伊菲美露满意。他很清楚自己在干什么，他在凭借着对伊菲美露十年的记忆来塑造一个完美的女人。但是他就是控制不住自己。
到家后，女佣玛丽开了门，柯西说：?请给你主人准备点吃的。??好的，夫人。?
她语气有点轻蔑。奥宾泽不知道这是因为她很羞怯还是因为她的英语讲得不好才显得这样子。她只来了一个月。最后那个女佣是加布里埃尔的亲戚推荐的，长得矮矮壮壮，来的时候提着一个行李袋。柯西搜查那个袋子的时候他并没有在场，她对每个佣人都是这样例行公事，因为她要知道有什么东西进了她的家门。不过当听到柯西在破口大骂的时候他就现身了。他站在门边，看着柯西拎着两包安全套的一角，在空中甩着。?这是用来干什么的？嗯？你到我家是来做妓女的
吗？?
那个女孩子先低了头，沉默不语，然后看着柯西的脸小声地说：?我的上一份工作，夫人的老公总是骚扰我，强迫我。?
柯西的眼睛气的鼓起来。有那么一刹那她上前了一步，好像要打那个女孩子，不过控制住了自己。
?拿上你的包马上走，马上。?她说。
那个女孩动了一下，有点惊讶，接着拿起自己的包走向大门。她走了以后，柯西说：?你相信有这样的荒唐事吗？她带着安全套来我家，还说了一堆废话。你相信吗？?
?她的前雇主强奸了她，所以她这次想要保护自己而已。?奥宾泽说。
柯西盯着他。?你同情她。你不了解这些女佣。你怎么能同情她们？?
他想要反问她：?你又怎么能不同情？?但是她眼中踌躇的恐惧让他闭了嘴。她的不安全感是那么强烈而且平常。她不担心他的厌倦，不担心他们没有真正的交流，不担心他们根本不了解对方。她唯一担心的是一个他素未谋面的女佣可能会勾引他。他也知道在拉各斯，那些嫁给年轻富有的男人的女人过的是什么生活。她们很容易就陷入对?拉各斯少女?的多疑，那些少女是老练而充满魅力的怪兽会把她们的丈夫囫囵吞下，滑到喉咙。但是他希望他的妻子能够处理的与众不同一点点，再克制一点。有一次他告诉她一个迷人的女银行家到他的办公室谈开账户的事情。让他感到可笑又可悲的是，那个女人有多么
不顾一切。她穿着紧身直筒裙，合身的衬衫，松着一颗本来应该扣上的纽扣，还假装一切尽在掌握中。柯西不觉得有什么好笑。?我了解那些拉各斯女孩，她们是不择手段的。?她说。让奥宾泽感到寒心的是，他的妻子眼中的他已经不是他而是一个模糊的人物——典型的有钱男人，一个支付过目标金额作为存款的女银行家，一个显而易见的等价交换。
自从结婚以来，她就有了一种对单身女性的过度厌恶以及对上帝的过度崇拜。他们结婚之前，她一星期去天主教堂做一次礼拜弥撒。但是结婚后，她就把念珠扔进了垃圾桶，并且告诉他她现在要去大卫之家，因为那是一个以圣经为根本的充满圣灵的教堂。后来，他才知道大卫之家有一项特殊的祈祷仪式叫?看好你的丈夫?。他感到既荣幸又反感。曾经他问她为什么她大学最好的朋友阿洛哈几乎没有来拜访过他们，她回答：?因为她还是单身啊。?仿佛答案是不言而喻的。当时他也是这样的感觉，荣幸又反感。
玛丽敲了他书房的门后，拿着一盘米饭和煎芭蕉进来了。他慢慢地吃着，他想起有天他在学校里面租的小房间里帮伊菲美露煎芭蕉，他固执地要洗一下芭蕉的切片，虽然她已经劝他不要洗。他想起热油从锅中溅起，在他的脖子上烫下了一个卵形的印记。也许他应该把这一段写进去邮件里。?还记得煎芭蕉事故吗？?他还是决定不要写。那样看起来太奇怪了，详细得太过了。那封邮件他写了又改改了又写，故意没有提及他的妻子，甚至没有用到像?我们?这些第一人称的复数形式，努力使整封邮件看起来诚挚和幽默调和得刚刚好。他不想让
她感到疏远。他想确保这一次她会回复他。这封邮件让他如此快乐，他的脑子里都是她的身影，这些无疑是一个警告信号。他点击了发送，几分钟后就查看一下她有没有回复。他怎么了？他是不幸福吗？他和自己说，自己并不是不幸福，只是他过厌了他的新生活，所以他开始考虑另一种生活——他可能成为什么样的人，其他没有开过的门后面会有什么。他起身走到阳台。扑面而来的热气，隔壁发电机的低吼，柴油燃尽发出的废气的味道，让他的头脑一阵轻松。疯狂的带翼小虫在灯泡四周飞舞。看着远处浓重的黑暗，他感觉自己好像漂浮起来了，他只需要放开自己，让自己自由。
年轻人必读的29本英文短篇小说，分分钟刷新你三观 本周，著名网站Buzzfeed 罗列了一份年轻人必读的29 篇短篇小说书单，这份书单的作者覆盖了英语世界，尤其是美国文学界最富盛名的小说家。《外滩画报》精选出10 篇已经翻译成中文的小说作重点推荐。 编辑：谭浩制图：唐卓人部分图片来自Buzzfeed 2013年，瑞典学院将诺贝尔文学奖颁给了以写作短篇小说见长的加拿大作家爱丽丝·门罗，这在某种程度上褒扬了中短篇小说为世界文学做出的重要贡献。阿根廷女作家萨曼塔·施维伯林甚至说：“门罗能够得到诺贝尔文学奖，让我们这些写作短篇的都松了一口气。”虽然很多人不一定赞同顾彬关于“长篇小说已经没落”的论调，但是短篇小说作为一种更为有力凝练的文学形式，确实更加符合如今这个时代的节奏。本周，著名网站Buzzfeed 罗列了一份年轻人必读的29 篇短篇小说书单，这份书单的作者覆盖了英语世界，尤其是美国文学界最富盛名的小说家。《外滩画报》精选出10 篇已经翻译成中文的小说作重点推荐： 1. 弗兰纳里·奥康纳：《流离失所的人》 《流离失所的人》选自小说集《好人难寻》在弗兰纳里·奥康纳的小说里，尽管大部分时间故事里的人物都被堕
落、自私、愚昧、自负、欺骗或冷漠所掌控，但是，总有那么一个时刻（往往在接近小说结尾处），奥康纳会安排上帝的恩惠（或曰天惠）降临到他们身上。在这圣灵显现的一瞬间，这些人物突然受到某种精神上的启迪，进而达到某种“顿悟”，他们也许会接受这一天惠，也许会拒绝它，但不管怎样，这一灵光闪现的“天惠时刻”会使他们的内心发生改变。——比目鱼，书评人 2. 朱诺?迪亚斯：《沉溺》 选自小说集《沉溺》《沉溺》里面的九个小短篇和一个准中篇都是以朱诺?迪亚斯自己和他的家庭的真实经历为蓝本书写出来的半自传作品，它所处理的是一个移民家族心灵史上最特殊的时段：移民前在多米尼加共和国的等待期和移民初期在美国的无望岁月。朱诺?迪亚斯在写这些“少作”的时候，还没有获得他后来的作品中罗伯特?波拉尼奥式的喷薄的语言强度，但这种语流清浅、句法简朴的写法与作者的青春期原型所附体的叙述者尤尼尔非常合拍：如此“低限度”的风格，恰好能够为那些在生理、心理与地理的转换交接处所蛰伏的晦暗不明的能量提供随机释放的可能性。——胡续东，作家 3. 米兰达·裘丽：《楼梯上的男人》
短篇英语故事及翻译精选 【篇一】短篇英语故事及翻译精选 The Golden Fleece king athamus of northern GREece had two children， phrixus and helle．after he left his first wife and mar ried ino，a wicked woman，the two children received all the cruel treatment that a stepmother could devise ，at one timethe kingdom was ruined by a famine．ino persuaded her credulous husband into believing that his son，phrixus，was the actual cause of the disaster，and should be sacrificed to zeus to endit．the poor boy was then placed on the altar and was about tobe knifed when a ram with golden fleece was sent down by thegods and carried off the two children on its back．as they flew over the strait that divides asia from europe，helle，faint at the vast expanse of water below ，fell into the sea and was drowned．thus the sea of helle，hellespont，became the ancient name of the strip of water．her brother kept on and arrived in colchis on the eastern shore of the black sea．there he sacrificed the ram to zeus and gave its golden fleece
英语励志短文及翻译 梦想是一个可以离我们很近，又很远的东西。下面是我为大家搜集整理出来的有关于英语励志短文及翻译，希望可以帮助到大家！ Today is an excellent day for small improvements. Whatever is working for you, find a way to improve it just a little. There’s no need to make a huge change, just a small one, something you can do right now. If you called just one additional customer each day, over the course of the next month you would talk to about 20 new people. If you learned just one more new word each day, in the next year you would increase your vocabulary by more than 300 words. Small improvements can add up over time into big accomplishments. Look around you. Consider the work you do each day. Think about how you could do it just a little bit better. In a marathon race, each step the winner takes is just a little bit longer and a little bit faster than each stride taken by the 100th place finisher. Yet over the course of the race, that small difference adds up in a big way. Do just a little bit more today, and tomorrow too, and each day after that. Anyone can make just a small improvement, and that can make a big, big difference. 翻译：再多一点点
The Romance of a Busy Broker by O. Henry Pitcher, confidential clerk in the office of Harvey Maxwell, broker, allowed a look of mild interest and surprise to visit his usually expressionless countenance when his employer briskly entered at half past nine in company with his young lady stenographer. With a snappy "Good-morning, Pitcher," Maxwell dashed at his desk as though he were intending to leap over it, and then plunged into the great heap of letters and telegrams waiting there for him. The young lady had been Maxwell's stenographer for a year. She was beautiful in a way that was decidedly unstenographic. She forewent the pomp of the alluring pompadour. She wore no chains, bracelets or lockets. She had not the air of being about to accept an invitation to luncheon. Her dress was grey and plain, but it fitted her figure with fidelity and discretion. In her neat black turban hat was the gold-green wing of a macaw. On this morning she was softly and shyly radiant. Her eyes were dreamily bright, her cheeks genuine peachblow, her expression a happy one, tinged with reminiscence. Pitcher, still mildly curious, noticed a difference in her ways this morning. Instead of going straight into the adjoining room, where her desk was, she lingered, slightly irresolute, in the outer office. Once she moved over by Maxwell's desk, near enough for him to be aware of her presence. The machine sitting at that desk was no longer a man; it was a busy New York broker, moved by buzzing wheels and uncoiling springs. "Well--what is it? Anything?" asked Maxwell sharply. His opened mail lay like a bank of stage snow on his crowded desk. His keen grey eye, impersonal and brusque, flashed upon her half impatiently. "Nothing," answered the stenographer, moving away with a little smile. "Mr. Pitcher," she said to the confidential clerk, did Mr. Maxwell say anything yesterday about engaging another stenographer?" "He did," answered Pitcher. "He told me to get another one. I notified the agency yesterday afternoon to send over a few samples this morning. It's 9.45 o'clock, and not a single picture hat or piece of pineapple chewing gum has showed up yet." "I will do the work as usual, then," said the young lady, "until some one comes to fill the place." And she went to her desk at once and hung the black turban hat with the gold-green macaw wing in its accustomed place. He who has been denied the spectacle of a busy Manhattan broker during a rush of business is handicapped for the profession of anthropology. The poet sings
英语短文故事十篇带翻译 英语短文故事 短文一: The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, “Now I’ll show you this frog in my pocket.” He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, “That’s funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch.” 短文二： During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of approximately $1million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil. 短文三： Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child. Pat had seen babies in other people’s houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too. One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby’s arrival.“This house won’t be big enough for us all when the baby comes，”said Mr.Taylor. Pat came into the room just then and said，“What are you talking about?”“We were
K e y s t o U n i t T w o (1) I. B. Singer: The Washwoman (2) Frank Sargeson: A Piece of Yellow Soap 1) Questions for Discussion: (Suggested answers for reference) (1) Does the piece of washing soap have the “power”as the narrator tells us? What is the “power” that forces him to take off? (The piece of yellow washing soap is, of course, an ordinary one. The narrator is a “na?ve narrator”who believed that it had some sort of mysterious “power,”while the readers are expected to know better. This power comes from the narrator’s deep sympathy for the tragic fate of the washing woman. Seeing the situation, he simply could not continue to demand the payment which he knew the woman was unable to produce.) (2) In this Unit, we have two stories about two washwomen. There are a lot of similar descriptions and common characteristics in the two stories. Find and list them. (They were both reduce to desperation, depending solely on washing for living. Both were hard-working and uncomplaining, quietly but almost heroically bore their burden and struggled for a hard existence. The author describes their common feature –the white and shrunken fingers –as symbol of suffering in the lives of the working people. They both were both dead by the end of the stories.) (3) The two first-person narrators tell two stories of two washwomen who shared similar tragic fate. Discuss the differences in the narrators that result in the differences in the way the two short stories are told. (Singer’s narrator knows more and tells more about the washing woman, often making direct comments and revealing his own feelings about the life of the woman whose story he is telling. He frequently emphasizes that what he is telling is real, and hints that the story has significance. The narrator’s voice is very close to the author’s. Please see more in “Reading Tips” on page 11. On the other hand, Sargeson’s narrator is a na?ve one, that is, the narrator’s understanding is purposely made shallow, and the reader need find by himself the real meaning in the situation. So the narrator stands at some distance from the author. Please see more in “Reading Tips” on page 15. Therefore, in Text I, we, as readers, are basically “given”or “received”the story, while in Text II, we need to participate imaginatively in the story to “dig out” the true meaning the na?ve narrator has left unexplained.) 2) Explanation and Interpretation:
励志英语文章及翻译 如果我们能够时常找一些带翻译的经典励志的英语文章来看看，也是挺好的，那么励志英语文章及翻译都有哪些呢?一起来看看吧。 To see the golden sun and the azure sky, the outstretched ocean, to walk upon the green earth, and to be lord of a thousand creatures, to look down giddy precipices or over distant flowery vales, to see the world spread out under one s finger in a map, to bring the stars near, to view the smallest insects in a microscope, to read history, and witness the revolutions of empires and the succession of generations, to hear of the glory of Simon and Tire, of Babylon and Susan, as of a faded pageant, and to say all these were, and are now nothing, to think that we exist in such a point of time ,and in such a corner of space, to be at once spectators and a part of the moving scene, to watch the return of the seasons, of spring and autumn, to hear--- The stock dove plain amid the forest deep, That drowsy rustles to the sighing gale. ---to traverse desert wilderness, to listen to the dungeon s gloom, or sit in crowded theatres and see life itself mocked, to feel heat and cold, pleasure and pain, right and wrong, truth and falsehood, to study the works of art and refine the sense of beauty to agony, to worship fame and to dream of immortality, to have read Shakespeare and Beloit to the same species as Sir Isaac Newton; to be and to do all this, and then in a moment to be nothing, to have it all snatched from one like a juggler s ball or a phantasmagoria [参考译文] 何为不朽--威廉赫兹里特 我们看到金色的太阳，蔚蓝的天空，广阔的海洋;我们漫步在绿油油的大地之上，做万物的主人;我们俯视令人目炫心悸的悬崖峭壁，远眺鲜花盛开的山谷;我们把地图摊开，任意指点全
The Chrysanthemum Elisa Allen, a woman approaching middle age, is at a point in her life when she has begun to realize that her energy and creative drive far exceed the opportunities for their expression. Her marriage is reasonably happy—when she notices that her husband is proud of selling thirty head of steers he has raised, she gives him the compliment he hopes for, while he, in turn, appreciates her ability to grow flowers of exceptional quality. There is an easy banter between them, and while they have settled into a fairly familiar routine, they are still responsive to each other’s moods, and eager to celebrate an achievement in each other’s company with a night on the town. On the other hand, their marriage is childless, and Elisa generally wears bland, bulging clothes that tend to de-sex her. Their house is described as “hard-swept” and “hard-polished”; it is the only outlet for her talents and it is an insufficient focus for her energy. She has begun to sense that an important part of her is lying dormant and that the future will be predictable and rather mundane.
英语小短文带翻译100字20篇 1.A happy Day It was sunny and very hot today. I got up early and helped my parents cook breakfast. Then I washed the dishes and cleaned the room. After a short rest I did my homework in the morning. In the afternoon I went swimming in the nearest swimming pool with my friends. It was really cool to swim in such a hot day. I surfed the internet and read a storybook in the evening. I really had a busy and happy day. 今天天气晴朗比较热。我起得很早，帮父母做早饭。然后我洗碗打扫屋子。休息一会后我上午做作业。下午我和朋友去我家最近的游泳池游泳。在如此炎热的夏天游泳的确很棒。晚上我上网、看故事书。我今天很忙过得很快乐。 2.给笔友的一封信 Dear Lucy I am very glad to hear from you. Now let me introduce myself to you. My name is Li Lei. I am eleven years old. I am tall with a pair of glasses. Now I am studying at Yuying Primary School. I am in Class One，Grade 5. I like singing and playing the piano very much. I am good at English and Chinese. 很高兴收到你的来信。现在让我介绍我自己。我叫李雷。11岁。我高个子、带眼镜。我在育英小学。我在五年级一班。我非常喜欢唱歌和弹钢琴。我数学和语文学得都很好。 3。暑假打算 I will have a busy summer vacation. I am going to do my homework every day . I am going to the library to borrow some books and go to the shops to buy some books.I am going to do sports such as playing table tennis, swimming and so on. I am going to visit my grandparents and stay there for a week. I am going to help my parents do some housework. 我暑假会很忙。我每天要写作业。我打算去图书馆去借书、去商店买书。我要做运动，如：打乒乓球、游泳等。我要去看爷爷奶奶并在那住一周。我要帮父母做家务。 4.自我介绍 Hello, everyone. My name is Kelly. I am friendly and honest.I am good at English and maths. I like surfing the internet,playing computer games, watching TV and traveling. I also like playing table tennis and I am good at it ,too. I often play table tennis with my friends on weekends. And I want to be a famous table tennis player when I grow up. What I like most is to see the seagulls flying freely in the sky so I often go to the sea in summer. My favourite colour is white because I think white is symbolize purity. 大家好我的名字叫KELLY .我很友好、诚实。我擅长英语和数学。我爱上网、玩电脑网络游戏、看电视和旅游。我也喜欢打乒乓球。我经常和朋友们在周末打乒乓球，长大了我想当一个乒乓球运动员。最喜欢在海边看着海鸥自由自在的飞翔，因此在夏天我经常去海边。白色是我的最爱。因为我觉得白色是纯洁的象征。 5.A nice Sunday It is Sunday and it is a fine day today. We come to the People Park with our English teacher who came from Canada. Look ! Tom and other five boys are playing
《英语短篇小说教程》练习参考答案
Unit Seven James Joyce: Araby 1)Opinions of Understanding: (1) Which adjective is NOT proper to describe the style of the short story? A. Dreamlike. B. Poetic. C. Matter-of-fact. D. Sentimental. (2) Why does the boy want to go to the bazaar, or the “Araby,” so desperately? A. He wants to find some romantic fulfillment. B. He wants to see exotic and exciting things. C. He wants to have new experience. D. He wants to “do something” for the girl. (3) What do you think can be the theme of the story? A. Real beauty is illusory and unattainable. B. Growing up leads to loss of youthful idealism. C. True love can not survive the cruel world. D. Disillusion always accompanies romanticism. (4) Which is probably true about Mangan’s sister? A. She is a young girl of rare beauty. B. She has all the elegance because of her family and religious background. C. She is angel-like both in appearance and in nature. D. She is an ordinary girl but the narrator places his romantic fantasies on her. (5) The short story ends with the sentence: “Gazing up into the darkness I saw myself as a creature driven and derided by vanity; and my eyes burned with anguish and anger.” What possibly has the boy suddenly realized? A. He has been behaving foolishly. B. The girl does not deserve so much of his affection. C. His uncle and aunt are heartless people. D. True beauty can not be obtained at any cost.
Evaluation Only. Created with Aspose.Words. Copyright 2003-2015 Aspose Pty Ltd.英语励志短文带翻译 英语励志短文：A New Day （崭新的一天） The sun has begun to set and I hang up the smile I’ve worn all day, though I will make sure it is the first thing I put back on in the mo rning just in case it is “that day.” I want her to see me at my very best. 太阳将要下山，我收起挂了一天的微笑，不过我会确保明天早上第一件事就是将它又挂回去，以防这天就是“那一天”。我希望她看到我的最佳状态。 I do the normal routine, eat dinner, clean the house, write—the usual stuff. And then I lay down hoping to fall asleep quickly so my new day will hurry up and arrive. A new day with a brand new sun. But as I lay there and wait for the world to turn half way around, I think about her. And sometimes I smile, and sometimes that smile will turn into asnicker, and then often that snicker will turn into a burst of laughter. 我按平时的规律吃晚餐、打扫屋子、写作——做着日常事务。然后我躺下，希望能快点入睡，新的一天就能快点到来——拥有新生太阳的崭新的一天。可当我躺在那儿，等待着世界的日夜回转时，我想到了她。有时我会笑起来，有时那微笑变成了窃笑，然后窃笑又常常变成爆笑。 And then there are times I get that lump in my throat and that tight feeling in my chest, and sometimes that feeling overwhelms me and begins to turn into a tear, and often that tear multiplies itself and I can no longer fight the feeling and I lose the battle. Then somehow through either the joy or the sadness I drift and find myself asleep. Then the dreams begin and keep me company until my new day arrives. 也有些时候，我的喉咙像是被一块东西哽住了，胸口发闷;有时那种伤感席卷 而来，我开始流泪，眼泪常常越流越多，我再也无力抵抗悲伤，败下阵来。然后不知怎的，我在或喜悦或悲伤中飘荡，逐渐入眠。然后梦境开始伴我左右，直至新的一天到来。 When I awake it’s with such excitement because I tell m yself this could be the day that every other day has led up to and the first day of the rest of my life. I quickly don my smile because I do so want her to see me at my very best. Then I look out the window because, even though I know it’s dawn, I still have to confirm I’ve been given another chance to find her.
宁波大学考核答题纸 （2014—2015学年第一学期） 课号：063W22A09 课程名称：英语短片小说选读改卷教师：阿德尔 学号：116070035 姓名：石佳得分： The Epiphany for Love Dubliners is often considered as the reflection of ethnic history in Dublin which, is stuffed by the ubiquitous “paralysis”. The corruption in social life, in politics even in people’s spirit is said to have made great impression in reader’s mind. However, with the skinny experience for no more than twenty years, I dare not conclude the thesis or the main idea of this opus in haste, while I could also not just allow myself to follow those comments and opinions made by “they”. Among the chapters I have read, Araby s eems to appeal to me most, because I have once had the same feeling of that little boy. This kind of feeling, literally, the epiphany for love, is the sweetest emotion and the most endurable torture I’ve ever experienced. There seems to be three periods of time during the process of the epiphany for love but to summarize with suitable words is undoubtedly a knotty issue. What comes first must be the admiration for the one who possesses neat skin, delicate facial features or slim figure, or even just a special nice odor. Since an occasion even you yourself cannot remember for sure, a figure has inserted into your little world and driven you to do crazy things. The shadow turned to the base to watch her; the hall witnessed numerous bumping into each other and in that corner the light from the lamp opposite the door caught the white curve of her neck, lit up her hair that rested there and, falling, lit up the hand upon the railing. What a magic feeling! But as you gradually sank in this dramatic journey, the inexplicable confusion and loneliness began to kidnap you. You found that you were not only the idle but also the weirdo nobody understands including yourself. Her name was like a summons to all your foolish body and her words and gestures were like fingers running upon the wires. With this confused adoration, sometimes even an unnoticeable movement or sentence would annihilate the sunshine and the hesitation between “do” or “do not” always brought heavy rain. Asking help seems to be of no sense because adults were going to acting lightly even sometimes with contempt. So the only way is to lie on the floor in a dark evening murmuring her name. I believe that sex or the thoughts about sex must accompany though there is no such description between the lines. And this kind of confusion and loneliness cannot be removed until she refuses which is sure to leave the unbearable pain for you to learn from, or luckily, accepts, which means you are going to exploring the sealed world together. Then the epiphany for love seems to be accomplished. No one can bypass the enlightenment of love to achieve the epiphany. And only by experiencing the sweetest emotion and the most endurable torture at the same time can people really get to know the original taste of love.