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1.The World's Greatest Swordsman（n. 剑客, 击剑手）
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place（排名第三的）fencer（n.剑客，击剑者）took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc（n.弧）of his sword（n.剑，刀）he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced（slice n.薄片vt.削）a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.
His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.
"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!" "Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."
stage[n.舞台take the world stage登上舞台
exhibition]n.展览(会)release]vt.／n.释(排)放；放开
hush v.(使)安静下来n.安静，寂静
anticipation n.预期；预料in anticipation of期待着
blade]n.刀刃，刀片mighty[a.强大的
insect]n.昆虫，虫aghast]a.惊骇的
target[n.目标，对象，靶子vt.瞄准yell]vi./ n.号叫，叫喊
2.A Mistake
An American, a Scot（Scotland n.苏格兰）and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
accident [?ksid?nt] n.意外遭遇,事故
fluster [fl?st?] vt.使惊慌失措flustered惊慌失措的
saint英音：[seint] heaven [hev?n]n.天堂
Done 口语（成交）instantly [inst?ntli]
ad.立即，立刻scene [si:n]n.场，地点
medic 医生haggle [h?g?l]vi.讨价还价
argue [ɑ:gju:]vi.争论(吵,辩) government政府
3.Pig or Witch（女巫）
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen（要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。）.
steep a.陡的
narrow[a.狭窄(隘)的；
lean v.(使)倾斜
crash vi.碰撞
4.Response Ability
response n.回答ability n.能力，技巧
An Ogden（奥格根市）, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that
didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity（仅仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法）
Iowa]n.衣阿华[美国州名]
minister n.部长，公使，牧师
congregation n.集合在一起的群众
a member of his congregation一位教友
constitute vt.构成gamble赌博
scientific .科学的determine vt.决定
commit vt.犯(错误等)
charity n.救济金；[ pl.]慈善团体；宽容
Philosopher Bertrand Russell(罗素), asked if he was willing to die for his belief, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong." philosopher n.哲学家
willing愿意的belief.信仰
5.
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre(卢浮宫), and if you could
only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
organize vt.组织contest n.比赛；辩驳
6.Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay（躺）in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide（兽皮）. Draping盖上the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture牧草地，牧场to wait for the lion pasture
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.（curdle v.使凝结shriek vi.尖叫approach v.靠近groan v.呻吟）
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief. "Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?" howl[haul]vi.／哀号bull[bul]n.公牛idiot n.白痴，傻子，笨蛋
7.Weather Predict
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
c rew n.全体工作人员
location n.位置，场所；外景拍摄地
director 主管，导演hail ]n.雹hailstorm雹暴
incredible ]a.不可信的；不可思议的，惊人的
show up 暴露，露面shrug v.／n.耸肩
8.I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women. He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
I Am Acting Like a Lady我要表现得象位女士
the FarEast Department Store远东百货公司
on sale减价dignified a.有尊严的
batter v.连续猛击frantic a.发疯似的
he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。
as long as只要flail vi.敲击
plow n.犁v.犁，耕
thrill n.兴奋v.(使)兴奋a thrill voice尖叫
9.A Soldier's Brilliant Idea
Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.
When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved（保留）for proper load balance（装载平衡）, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.
Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they also read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was
watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeeded in having the company of the girl during the whole trip. 为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作
10.why do you never phone me?
Mrs Harris lives in a small village. Her husband is dead, but she has one son. He is twenty-one and his name is Geoff. He worked in the shop in the village and lived with his mother, but then he got work in a town and went and lived there. Its name was Greensea. It was quite a long way from his mother's village, and she was not happy about this, but Geoff said, "There isn't any good work for me in the country, Mother, and I can get a lot of money in Greensea and send you some every week."
Mrs Harris was very angry last Sunday. She got in a train and went to her son's house in Greensea. Then she said to him, "Geoff, why do you never phone me?"
Geoff laughed. "But, Mother", he said, "you haven't got a phone." "No," she answered, "I haven't, but YOU'VE got one!"
11.My First and My Last
When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of
tricks.
George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go." They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air.
When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane."
Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?"
"Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark.
trick [trik]n.诡计；戏法、特技
12.New Discovery
A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw an old woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.
Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"
discovery发现
hillbilly [hilbili]n.乡下人，乡巴佬for the first time第一次slide [slaid]v.滑动elevator[eliveit?]n.电梯
blink [bli?k]vi.眨眼睛drawl [dr?:l].慢吞吞地说
13.I'll See to the Rest
A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.
"Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!"
"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back.
"You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."
be about to打算signal信号，用信号指示see to 注意，照料attractive a.有吸引力的，引起注意的carriage车厢
14.Can't Get Out
This was to be the new blonde flight attendant's first overnight trip, so the Captain was showing her the best place for personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as he was preparing the crew for the day's flight, he noticed the new flight attendant was missing. Since he knew which hotel room she was staying in he called her to find out what had happened.
Crying, she answered the phone and said, "Help, I can't get out of the room!" "What do you mean, you can't get out of the room?" the Captain asked.
"Well I can only find three doors," she sobbed. "One is the bathroom, one is the closet and the other one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'!"
blonde [bl?nd]a.金发的n.金发女子missing 失踪的
Since由于attendant [??tend?nt]n.服务人员，侍者
personnel个人sob抽泣
15.The Ugly Duckling
Long ago, in a farmyard many miles away, a Mother Duck sat on her nest. She was waiting for her eggs to hatch. Each day she proudly looked at them. There were six eggs, which meant six little ducklings to teach to swim.
One sunny spring morning, the first egg began to crack（破裂）.. \'Tap, tap, tap,\' went the duckling inside, trying to get out. Mother Duck watched as the egg cracked open and out popped（.突发砰的响声）
16.a fluffy([绒毛的) duckling.
"One," said Mother Duck proudly(骄傲地).
The next day, the second egg hatched（孵出）and out popped another fluffy duckling. "Two," said Mother Duck proudly.
On the third day, duckling number three hatched.
"That leaves just three," said Mother Duck.
On the fourth and fifth day, ducklings number four and five hatched.
"That leaves just one," said Mother Duck, as she settled（驻扎）on her nest. Her ducklings gathered（挤）around her.
But on the sixth day nothing happened. Nor on the seventh.
"How strange," said Mother Duck on the seventh day. "It should have hatched by now."
One of the farmyard chickens wandered（散步）by.
"Oh," she said. "You\'re still there I thought you\'d be on the pond by now."
"It\'s this last egg," said Mother Duck. "It hasn\'t hatched yet."
"Let me see," said the chicken. "Well no wonder（不奇怪）. It
looks like a goose（鹅）egg to me. You\'ll be here for a long time."
"Oh dear," said Mother Duck. "I have my five little ducklings to teach to swim. What shall I do? I can\'t leave it."
"Aah well," said the chicken, and she wandered off.
The goose heard that one of her eggs was in Mother Duck\'s nest.
"Is it true?" she asked, as she puffed（[p?f].喘气）up to the nest.
"Do you have one of my eggs?"
"I think so," said Mother Duck. They both looked in the nest.
"Huh," said the goose. "That\'s not mine. It looks more like that absent-minded turkey\'s egg."
As they looked, they suddenly heard the faint （[feint]微弱的）tapping. The shell was breaking.
"We\'ll soon see," said the goose.
They watched and waited. "Oh," said the goose.
"Oh, dear," said Mother Duck, as she looked at the sixth duckling. It looked most strange, it was straggly adj. 蔓延的七零八落的) and grey where its brothers and sisters were fluffy（绒毛的）and yellow. It was also bigger than them.
It quacked as it saw its mother.
"Well, if it\'s a turkey," said the goose, "it won\'t swim."
Mother Duck hurried her ducklings to the pond. She waddled（蹒跚）in and listened. Splash! Splish! Splosh! Splash! Splish! She turned and looked. All six ducklings followed her in the water.
"Oh, well," she said. "He can swim. He is definitely not a turkey."
The sixth duckling was very good at swimming, and was soon swimming better than his brothers and sisters.
Back at the farmyard, things did not go well for the little duckling. Everyone called him an ugly duckling. The chickens laughed at him, the turkeys chased（追逐）him and the geese hissed at him.
Soon even his brothers and sisters would not talk to him, but when his
mother turned away, he was very sad. He decided to leave the farmyard.
One sunny morning, he walked out of the farmyard and didn\'t look back. He wandered away, looking for somewhere new to live.
When he\'d been walking a while he came to a large lake. There were some ducks swimming on it.
He swam up to them.
"May I stay on this lake?" he asked.
"Of course," said the ducks. "We\'ll be moving on soon. Why don\'t you join us, if you\'re on your own?"
"Thank you," said the duckling.
The duckling stayed on the lake and day by day he grew bigger. One day he looked up to see some large white birds flying gracefully（优美地）over the lake.
"They\'re beautiful," he whispered, and then sighed. "I wonder who they are?"
One day the ducks came to see him.
"It\'s autumn, and we\'re going now," they told him, "join us if you want to."
Some ducks began to fly up to leave, but suddenly loud bangs were heard. Two of the ducks fell from the sky. Others flew up in fright（惊恐）, and more fell as more bangs were heard.
The duckling ran and hid. He found a bush and stayed there until the noise had died down. When it was quiet he sadly left the lake and headed away over the fields.
He came to another lake and there he stayed. Winter was coming and he was alone. As the days grew colder, he found that it was harder to find food.
The one morning he woke and found that he couldn\'t move. The lake had frozen and he was stuck in the ice. The day passed and the
duckling was giving up hope of being found. But late in the afternoon a man walking his dog saw him. He broke the ice, and the duckling was free. He ran across the ice and hid. He didn\'t dare to go on the ice again.
Winter passed, spring came, and the ice melted.
The duckling stretched his wings and found that they were strong enough to carry him. He flew upon and over the lake, high above the trees and fields. He should have been very happy, but he was not because he felt so lonely.
A few days later, he looked up to see the large white birds he had seen in the autumn. They looked beautiful as they landed on the lake. The duckling admired([?d?mai?]vt.钦佩,羡慕) their glossy ( [?gl?si].光滑的) white feathers and long necks. He swam over to take a closer look at them.
"Please," he said shyly. "Will you tell me who you are. You are so beautiful and I am so ugly. I\'ve never seen anybody like you." "Ugly," cried one of the white birds. "How silly!"
"We\'re swans ([sw?n]天鹅)," said another. "Why do you think you\'re ugly? Look at yourself in the water."
The duckling looked and caught sight of his own reflection. He gasped [gɑ:sp]喘气in surprise, for instead of seeing a fat, grey duckling he saw a swan with a long elegant ([?elig?nt]优美的) neck and a bright orange bill. "I\'m like you," he cried. "I\'m a swan, too." "Definitely," said the swan, with a smile.
"Does that mean I can stay with you, and not live alone?"
"Of course," said the swans.
At that moment two children ran down to the lake. "Ooh, look!" they cried. "The swans are back and there\'s a new one, too. Isn\'t he beautiful!"
The ugly duckling stretched his neck and ruffled [?r?fl]弄皱his
feathers with pride.
Then it was time to go flying with all of the other swans and, as the duckling took off from the lake, he could see his new beautiful reflection in the water.
17.My servant will clean it
Two rich ladies were sharing a taxi and talking about the high cost of going anywhere by taxi.
One of the ladies said, 'Taxis are terribly expensive these days. The owners get a lot of money for nothing.'
'Yes,' said the other lady, 'and the drivers get such big tips that they soon become rich. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.'
One of the ladies was smoking a cigarette. After a minute or two she said to the other lady, 'Can you see an ash tray in this taxi? There isn't one on my side.'
'No,' said the other, 'there isn't one on this side either. Driver! Where is the ashtray in this taxi? Why haven't you got one?'
The driver, who had heard everything the ladies had said, answered, 'Oh, just drop the ashes on the carpet--I have a servant who comes in and cleans three days in the week!
tip]n.小费ought to aux. v.应当，应该
ashamed a.惭愧的，羞耻的，害臊的
tray ]n.盘，托盘，碟carpet n.地毯
18.Johnny is busy now
It was half-past eight in the morning. The telephone rang and Mary went to answer it. 'Hello, who's that:' she asked. 'It's me--Peter.' Peter was a friend of Mary's eight-year-old brother, Johnny.
'Oh, hello, Peter. What do you want?' said Mary.
'Can I speak to Johnny?' 'No,' said Mary, 'you can't speak to him now. He is busy. He is getting ready for school. He is eating his breakfast. Grandmother is combing his hair. Sister is under the table, putting his shoes on. Mother is getting his books and putting them in his school bag. Goodbye, I've got to go now. I have to hold the door open. The school bus is coming.'
19.That man knows the future
Nasreddin was cutting a branch of a tree in his garden. While he was sawing, another man passed in the street. He stopped and said, 'Excuse me, but if you continue to saw that branch like that, you will fall down with it.' He said this because Nasreddin was sitting on the branch and cutting it at a place between himself and the trunk of the tree. Nasreddin said nothing. He thought, 'This is some foolish person who has no work to do and goes about telling other people what to do and what not to do.'
The man continued on his way.
Of course, after a few minutes, the branch fell and Nasreddin fell with
it.
'My God!' he cried. 'That man knows the future!' and he ran after him to ask how long he was going to live. But the man had gone.
branch n.树枝saw n.锯trunk n.树干
20.The elephant did it
A man was travelling abroad in a small red car. One day he left the car and went shopping. When he came back, its roof was badly damaged. Some boys told him that an elephant had damaged it. The man did not believe them, but they took him to a circus which was near there. The owner of the elephant said, 'I am very sorry! My elephant has a big, round, red chair. He thought that your car was his chair, and he sat on it!' Then he gave the man a letter, in which he said that he was sorry and that he would pay for all the damage.
When the man got back to his own country, the customs officers would not believe his story. They said, 'You sold your new car while you were abroad and bought this old one!'
It was only when the man showed them the letter from the circus man that they believed him.
circus n.马戏，马戏团；
customs[a.海关的； n.关税
21.You'll soon get used to it?
An old man died and left his son a lot of money. But the son was a foolish young man, and he quickly spent all the money, so that soon he had nothing left. Of course, when that happened, all his friends left him. When he was quite poor and alone, he went to see Nasreddin, who was a kind, clever old man and often helped people when they had troubles. 'My money has finished and my friends have gone,' said the young man. 'What will happen to me now?'
'Don't worry, young man,' answered Nasreddn. 'Everything will soon be all right again. Wait, and you will soon feel much happier.'
The young man was very glad. 'Am I going to get rich again then?' he asked Nasreddin.
'No, I didn't mean that,' said the old man. 'I meant that you would soon get used to being poor and to having no friends.'
get used to=be used to 适应
英语幽默笑话带翻译新 GE GROUP system office room 【GEIHUA16H-GEIHUA GEIHUA8Q8-
英语幽默笑话带翻译 1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!" 医生懂得多 一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多." 2:You can't go without me The bus is very crowded. A man tries to get on, but no one gives way to him. "Hey, let me get on the bus." the man shouts. "It's too crowded. You'd better take the next bus." a passenger says to him. "But you can't go without me. I'm the driver." the man says. 没有我你们走不了 公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路.
英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译) 线话英语|2016-03-14 17:03:05 英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译)如下： Midway Tactics Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue. The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!" The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE". 中间战术 三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。 右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!” 左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!” 中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。 Very Pleased to Meet You During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers. One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I’m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months. Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England. Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys." "Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
英语幽默小故事
1、New Discovery A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator. Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I shouldhave brought my wife!" 新发现 一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。 乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!” hillbilly n. 乡下人，乡巴佬. pudgy adj.矮胖的，矮而粗的 drawl vt, vi慢吞吞地说；拉长语调地说 2、Always Thirsty "I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me." "That's terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?" "No, but I am always thirsty!" 总感到口渴 一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。” “真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？”
少儿英语小故事带翻译 故事一般都和原始人类的生产生活有密切关系，他们迫切地希望认识自然，于是便以自身为依据，想象天地万物都和人一样，有着生命和意志。以下是为您整理的《少儿英语小故事带翻译》，希望大家能够喜欢。 少儿英语小故事带翻译篇一 The Ugly Duckling IT was lovely summer weather in the country, and the golden corn, the green oats, and the haystacks piled up in the meadows looked beautiful. The stork walking about on his long red legs chattered in the Egyptian language, which he had learnt from his mother. The corn-fields and meadows were surrounded by large forests, in the midst of which were deep pools. It was, indeed, delightful to walk about in the country. In a sunny spot stood a pleasant old farm-house close by a deep river, and from the house down to the water side grew great burdock leaves, so high, that under the tallest of them a little child could stand upright. The spot was as wild as the centre of a thick wood. In this snug retreat sat a duck on her nest, watching for her young brood to hatch; she was beginning to get tired of her task, for the little ones were a long time coming out of their shells, and she seldom had any visitors. The other ducks liked much better to swim about in the river than to climb the slippery banks, and sit under a burdock leaf, to have a gossip with her. At length one shell cracked, and then another, and from each egg came a living creature that lifted its head and cried, “;Peep, peep.”; “;Quack, quack,”; said the mother, and then they all quacked as well as they could, and looked about them on every side at the large green leaves. Their mother allowed them to look as much as they liked, because green is good for the eyes. “;How large the world is,”; said the young ducks, when
短篇英语笑话10则带翻译 ①Goldfish金鱼 Stan: I won 92 goldfish. Fred: Where are you going to keep them? Stan: In the bathroom 。 Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath? Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛）them! =================================================================== 斯丹：我赢了92 条金鱼。 弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？ 斯丹：浴室。 弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？ 斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！ ②The Revenge 欺骗的代价 Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!" =================================================================== 老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。” 约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。” 妻子：“为什么？” 约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。” ③I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一只鸡 Psychiatrist: What's your problem? Patient: I think I'm a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? Patient: Ever since I was an egg! =================================================================== 精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？ 病人：我认为我是一只鸡。 精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？ 病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。 ④How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出来 Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?" =================================================================== 当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢？”
英语幽默笑话故事带翻译 篇一：英语短文笑话(带翻译) 1、How much English can you speak? "Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English." The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?" The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!" 中文翻译 "法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。而且，他只会说几个英语单词。" 法官看了看被告，问道："你会说多少英文？" 被告抬起头，说："把你的钱包给我！" 2 A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. He said, "What?" 丈夫给妻子看了一项调查结果，为了向她证明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000个字，而女人每天使用30000个。 妻子想了一会儿说，女人每天说的字数是男人的两倍，因为她们必须重复已经说过的话。他问："什么？" 3 Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：这个座位是空的么？ 女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。 4、 "Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying." "Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any." "But has he finished his own cake?" "Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that." "汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？" 妈妈在厨房里问。"他在哭。" "没事儿，妈妈，" 汤姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。" "他已经吃完自己的了么？" "是的。" "我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。"
英语短篇幽默小故事 篇一：英语幽默小故事10篇. 英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译)如下： Midway Tactics Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue. The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!" The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".中间战术 三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!” 左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!” 中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。 Very Pleased to Meet You During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
英语小故事,带翻译.txt你不能让所有人满意，因为不是所有的人都是人成功人士是—在牛B 的路上，一路勃起你以为我会眼睁睁看着你去送死吗？我会闭上眼睛的中秋节来历（英文版）The joyous Mid-Autumn Festival was celebrated on the fifteenth day of the eighth moon, around the time of the autumn equinox(秋分). Many referred to it simply as the "Fifteenth of the Eighth Moon". 农历8月15日是中国的中秋节，接近秋分时节。很多人将中秋节简单的理解为与“8月15的月亮”相关。 This day was also considered as a harvest festival since fruits, vegetables and grain had been harvested by this time and food was abundant. Food offerings were placed on an altar set up in the courtyard. Apples, pears, peaches, grapes, pomegranates(石榴), melons, oranges and pomelos(柚子) might be seen. Special foods for the festival included moon cakes, cooked taro(芋头)and water caltrope(菱角), a type of water chestnut resembling black buffalo horns. Some people insisted that cooked taro be included because at the time of creation, taro was the first food discovered at night in the moonlight. Of all these foods, it could not be omitted from the Mid-Autumn Festival. The round moon cakes, measuring about three inches in diameter and one and a half inches in thickness, resembled Western fruitcakes in taste and consistency. These cakes were made with melon seeds(西瓜子), lotus seeds(莲籽), almonds(杏仁), minced meats, bean paste, orange peels and lard(猪油). A golden yolk(蛋黄) from a salted duck egg was placed at the center of each cake, and the golden brown crust was decorated with symbols of the festival. Traditionally, thirteen moon cakes were piled in a pyramid to symbolize the thirteen moons of a "complete year," that is, twelve moons plus one intercalary(闰月的) moon. uUlsda E The Mid-Autumn Festival is a traditional festivity for both the Han and minority nationalities. The custom of worshipping the moon can be traced back as far as the ancient Xia and Shang Dynasties (2000 B.C.-1066 B.C.). In the Zhou Dynasty(1066 B.C.-221 B.C.), people hold ceremonies to greet winter and worship the moon whenever the Mid-Autumn Festival sets in. It becomes very prevalent in the Tang Dynasty(618-907 A.D.) that people enjoy and worship the full moon. In the Southern Song Dynasty (1127-1279 A.D.), however, people send round moon cakes to their relatives as gifts in expression of their best wishes of family reunion. When it becomes dark, they look up at the full silver moon or go sightseeing on lakes to celebrate the festival. Since the Ming (1368-1644 A.D. ) and Qing Dynasties (1644-1911A.D.), the custom of Mid-Autumn Festival celebration becomes unprecedented popular. Together with the celebration there appear some special customs in different parts of the country, such as burning incense(熏香), planting Mid-Autumn trees, lighting lanterns on towers and fire dragon dances. However, the custom of playing under the moon is not so popular as it used to be nowadays, but it is not less popular to enjoy the bright silver moon. Whenever the festival sets in, people will look up at the full silver moon, drinking wine to celebrate their happy life or thinking of their relatives and friends far from home, and extending all of their best wishes to them. Moon Cakes月饼
1----------------精选公文范文----------------1 英语幽默小短文加翻译:20个英语笑话爆笑超短 各位读友大家好，此文档由网络收集而来，欢迎您下载，谢谢 幽默语言是借助于语言工具来建构和表达幽默的一种方式,它是幽默的一种具体的形式。小编整理了英语幽默小短文加翻译，欢迎阅读! 英语幽默小短文加翻译篇一 终身保修 After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin he’d originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket.
2----------------精选公文范文----------------2 “What’s so special about this coffin” I asked the funeral director. He replied, “It has a lifetime warranty.” 在将母亲下葬9个月后，当地殡仪馆的一个客户终于攒够了钱去买那副他早就相中的价值不菲的棺材了。他把母亲的棺材挖了出来，将尸体转移到了那副新的钢制棺材中。“这副棺材有什么特别”，我问葬礼的承办人。他回答说，“这种棺材终生保修。英语幽默小短文加翻译篇二 献错殷勤 At a dinner party a shy young man had been trying to think of something nice to say to his hostess. At last he saw his chance when she turned to him and remarked, “What a small appetite you have tonight, Mr.
英语幽默笑话带翻译 1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!" 医生懂得多 一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:" 我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动 着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多." 2:You can't go without me The bus is very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him. "Hey,let me get on the bus."the man shouts. "It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus."a passenger says to him. "But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says. 没有我你们走不了 公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路. "喂,让我上车!"那位男士喊道. "车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说. "但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!"那位男士说道. 3:Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年 龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了
英语幽默小故事带翻译 导读：本文英语幽默小故事带翻译，仅供参考，如果觉得很不错，欢迎点评和分享。 The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18. But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised. "How old are you?" he said. "Eighteen, sir," said John. "But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?" "Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am." 大五个月第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。“你多大了?”军医问。“十八，长官。”约翰说。“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”
1 I Don?t Like Her Bob goes to a new school. One day he comes back, “Bob, do you like your new teacher?” his mother asks.“I don?t like her, Mother. Because first she says that three and three is six, and then she says that two and four is six, too.” 我不喜欢她 鲍勃的去了所新学校。 一天，他回到家，他妈妈问他：“你喜欢你的新老师吗？” “不，我不喜欢她，妈妈。因为她先说3加3等于6，然后她又说2加4等于6.” 2 Ten Candies Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?” “Ten.” Jim says. “Ten？” Mother asks. Yes, Mum. Four candies are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn?t it right?” 十块糖 妈妈问儿子：“吉姆，如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？”“10块。”吉姆说。
“10块？”妈妈问。 “是的，妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？” 3 Where is the egg? Teacher: Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"? Student: Yes. I ate a piece of cake yesterday. Teacher: Then where is the “egg"? Student: In the cake, sir. 鸡蛋在哪里？ 老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？ 学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。 老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？ 学生：在蛋糕里，先生 4 Count Tomorrow Morning It?s a night. John is looking at the sky. Tom is John?s younger brother. He asks John “What are you doing?” John says, “I?m counting stars.” Tom laughs and says, “It?s really dark now. Why not count them tomorrow morning?” 明天早上数
英语小故事带翻译11篇 英语小故事带翻译（一） A Singing-bird was confined in a cage which hung outside a window, and had a way of singing at night when all other birds were asleep. One night a Bat came and clung to the bars of the cage, and asked the Bird why she was silent by day and sang only at night. “I have a very good reason for doing so,” said the Bird: ”it was once when I was singing in the daytime that a fowler was attracted by my voice, and set his nets for me and caught me. Since then I have never sung except by night.” But the Bat replied, “It is no use your doing that now when you are a
prisoner: if only you had done so before you were caught, you might still have been free.” 一只画眉鸟被囚禁在窗外挂着的一个笼子里，当其他鸟儿都酣睡时，她却在夜里唱歌。有一个夜晚，蝙蝠飞过来，抓住鸟笼的栅栏，问她为什么白天默默无声，却在夜里放声歌唱。小鸟回答说：“我这样做是有道理的，曾经有一次，当我在白天唱歌时，一个捕鸟人被我的歌声吸引，就用鸟笼子捉住了我。从此我只在夜里歌唱。”可是，蝙蝠却说：“你现在这样做根本没用了，因为你已经成为阶下囚。若是在被捉住之前这样做就好了，那样或许你依然是自由之身！” 英语小故事带翻译（二）：工人和蛇The Labourer and the Snake A Labourer’s little son was bitten by a Snake and died of the wound. The father
儿童英语故事、小学生英语故事 寓言、成语故事（1-19页）幽默故事（19-25页）普通小故事（25-72页）通过阅读英语笑话、故事等趣味英语，可以激发小朋友们学英语的兴趣，提高单词量，帮助他们提高成绩。最好每天背一篇，会有不错的效果的 O(∩_∩)O 儿童寓言故事 Story 1 Three Good Friends One day, a monkey rides his bike near the river. This time he sees a li on under a tree. The lion runs at him. He is afraid and falls into the rive r. He can’t swim. He shouts. The rabbit hears him. He jumps into the river. The rabbit swims to the monkey, but he can’t help him. Luckil y, an elephant comes along. He is very strong. He helps the rabbit and monkey. Three friends are very happy. They go to the elephant’s ho me. Then, three of them become good friends. 故事一三个好朋友 一天，一只猴子在河边骑车。这时他看见树下有一只狮子，狮子向他跑来。他非常的害怕，掉进河里。他不会游泳，大叫起来。兔子听见了，跳进水里，但他却没有办法救猴子。幸运的是，一只大象过来了。大象非常强壮，救出了兔子和猴子。他们来到大象的家，在那里吃了一顿大餐。从此他们成了好朋友。 Story 2 A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with th
儿童英语幽默小故事带翻译：猴子捞月 One day,a little monkey is playing by the well.一天，有只小猴子在井边玩儿。He looks in the well and sh 2 One day,a little monkey is playing by the well. 一天，有只小猴子在井边玩儿。 He looks in the well and shouts; 它往井里一瞧，高喊道： “Oh!My god!The moon has fallen into the well!” “噢！我的天！月亮掉到井里头啦！” An older monkeys runs over, takes a look,and says, 一只大猴子跑来一看，说， “Goodness me!The moon is really in the water!” “糟啦！月亮掉在井里头啦！” And olderly monkey comes over. 老猴子也跑过来。 He is very surprised as well and cries out; 他也非常惊奇，喊道： “The moon is in the well.” “糟了，月亮掉在井里头了！” A group of monkeys run over to the well.
一群猴子跑到井边来， They look at the moon in the well and shout： 他们看到井里的月亮，喊道： “The moon did fall into the well!Come on!Let’get it out!” “月亮掉在井里头啦！快来！让我们把它捞起来！” Then,the oldest monkey hangs on the tree up side down ,with his feet on the branch. 然后，老猴子倒挂在大树上， And he pulls the next monkey’s feet with his hands. 拉住大猴子的脚， All the other monkeys follow his suit, 其他的猴子一个个跟着， And they join each other one by one down to the moon in the well. 它们一只连着一只直到井里。 Just before they reach the moon,the oldest monkey raises his head and happens to see the moon in the sky. 正好他们摸到月亮的时候，老猴子抬头发现月亮挂在天上呢。 He yells excitedly “Don’t be so foolish!The moon is still in the sky!” 它兴奋地大叫：“别蠢了！月亮还好好地挂在天上呢！”